Gorgeous Shade of Blue
by Cambion
Summary: The sequel to Clandestine. Leo loves Donny, and Mikey loves Leo. So, how does Leo cope with pursuing the one he loves while dealing with the knowledge that he is being pursued? Leo's POV. Rated for language. The final chapter is posted.
1. Chapter 1: Can't Sleep and Still Upset

**Gorgeous Shade of Blue  
**_Chapter 1: Can't Sleep and Still Upset_

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My little brother harbored feelings for me, while I was madly in love with my dear sibling in purple. This explains why Mikey has been so uneasy around me – not because he was afraid of my aggression, but because he was nervous; tense about being near the one he loved and keeping his feelings secret…it was totally understandable. Don't get me wrong - I love Mikey, but I really don't feel like I'm _in_ love with him. He's a bit too asinine for my liking, so you can probably see why I felt so fond of Donny – he isn't completely silly like Mikey, and he doesn't have a raging temper like Raph. Donny's personality represented a perfect middle ground – almost a golden mean – between Mikey and Raph, with Mikey and Raph each being on opposite ends of the scale. I feel as though I can relate to Donny the most; he and I see eye to eye on quite a few issues and there have been many times the two of us had just sat together and talked in-depth about practically anything.

Raphael is too angry with me about everything to ever have a conversation with me that way, and most of what is on my mind would just go right over Mikey's head. Donny, on the other hand understands me on a level that even I cannot comprehend at times. It's not that I have a favorite brother – Mikey, as goofy as he is, can always make me laugh; I love his sense of humor and seeing his cheerful smile. Raph…okay, there's been times I wished he'd just drop dead, but even with his being a complete asshole, he is an essential part of our team. He may be a jerk and I might want to knock his teeth out at times, but he is a formidable warrior. And I know, deep down, as much as I wish him dead, I know I'd miss him if he were gone; basically, I love Raph as a brother, but I hate him in every other way.

And yet…he's found something to like about Raphael. I just don't see how Raphael is capable of love and how he could possibly treat Donny right. As much as I want to be with him, though, I just can't bring myself to cause the two of them to separate. I remember that look in Donny's eyes when he was telling me his secret – it was very clear that he wasn't just lusting after Raph. He was truly in love with our brother. Raphael may have him in real life, but I know I can always have Donny in my dreams.

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One night I could not fall asleep, no matter what I tried. I meditated, I counted sheep, and I counted backwards from one thousand…nothing worked. Eventually I kicked my blankets off and trudged out to the couch to watch television. I turned the TV on and put the volume on very low – I've seen this thing knock my brothers out in a snap, so I kind of hoped the low droll and the dim glow of our communal idiot box would offer me the same closure. It had been about ten minutes and my eyelids were finally starting to get heavy; I decided I'd just pass out on the couch that evening. 

I was probably seconds away from passing out when I suddenly felt a great weight on my lower legs. I bolted up to see what was happening – Donny was sitting on my legs. He hopped back up immediately when he realized I had been laying on the couch.

"Oh shit Leo, I'm sorry! I didn't even see you there!"

I stretched my legs and sat up. "It's okay – no harm done."

He sat down beside me and stared at the blinking television screen. "Couldn't sleep?" I shook my head, and he went on. "I couldn't either."

I rolled my eyes and replied, noticeably angrily. "Why's that – is your sweetie keeping you up?"

Donny looked at me with a surprised expression; he wasn't expecting my sudden toxic reply, and, to be perfectly honest, neither did I. He responded in kind with a slight air of anger. "No, he's not. And why are you so mad all of a sudden?"

I said nothing, but I put my face in my hands and sighed. "It's nothing. Just…I'm going back to bed."

Donny stuck his arm out in front of my chest and stopped me. "Leo, something's bothering you. What's wrong?"

All of a sudden, I didn't want to go back to bed. Having Donny's arm around me made me feel a little warm inside…I felt fluttering in my stomach, and I couldn't decide if it felt good or bad. I looked up at my brother and was prepared to explain what was on my mind…but I had so much stuff rushing through my head and it overpowered me.

"Donny, I…", I stopped and looked away. "I'm sorry for being so mean. I don't intend to act like such an asshole. It's just…I…"

My face began to ache, and I felt a heavy pain behind my eyes as tears threatened to flow; I was having trouble talking personally to the person I loved. I did my best to hold back the sobs, but I knew Donny could still hear my choking.

"…I'm just still upset over you and Raphael."

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Donny looked at me with wide eyes, and I continued on with my tearful harangue. "I'm happy that you've found someone whom you love, but…Donny, you have no fuckin' idea what it feels like to watch the person you love go and love someone else. Especially when that someone else is someone I fucking hate!" 

My brother recoiled, clearly taken aback by my sudden outburst. Ever since having found out that Donny wanted Raphael and not me, it was so, so easy to make me cry. I felt completely weak, and like a failure, and I felt absolutely selfish…but I just couldn't help it. My body is what received years of training, not my heart. I sat with my head buried in my hands, crying quietly at the insufferable pain in my heart. Donny reached out and rested his hand on my shoulder to comfort me. Almost as if on cue, I slapped his hand away and bolted up. In a split second, I'd jumped up, pinned my brother to the couch and kissed him deeply. At that point, I didn't care whether or not I was hurting anyone – all I knew was I loved Donny and I wanted to feel him. I felt him quiver beneath my hands, but he made no effort to push me away. I had no experience with this kind of interaction, but I moved as if by instinct – I seemed to know what I was doing, which was very strange.

I kissed him rather brutally – all my bottled-up hormones and emotions were pouring out of me at the same time. Once I had a taste of my brother, I wanted more; I slipped my hand behind Donny's head, grabbed hold of the loose ends of his mask and yanked them hard, jerking his head back. This exposed his tender neck to me, which I virtually began to worship with my mouth. I nipped, kissed and licked all over his neck, and this entire time he did nothing to stop me – in fact, he began gasping and whimpering. By the time I finished, I was panting, both out of slight exhaustion and extreme arousal. Donny looked up at me, his face flushed and his eyes shouting innumerable emotions all at once.

"Leo…", he whispered in a slightly labored voice.

I straddled his legs and kissed him once again, and then whispered in his ear. "One night."

He looked at me in confusion. "Huh?"

"I want one night with you. Please…just one."

"Leo, I don't know if I c-"

I dug my fingers into his shoulders and pulled him into a deep kiss, and I slipped my tongue into his mouth. When we parted lips, I looked him in the eyes and said, "I won't take 'no' for an answer." I began to rub circles on his groin, the entire time I was wearing a most evil grin.

He whimpered before pushing my hand gently away. "Leo! Leo, stop…is this all you want me for?"

My hands stopped; I stopped and I looked at him. What the hell was I doing? In my attempt to release my pent-up feelings, I gave the one whom I loved so much the message that I only wanted his body. I let go of him and got up off his lap. "I'm…I'm sorry Donny. I don't know what came over me."

He looked at me with a pretty firm expression. "You didn't answer my question, Leo. Do you only want me for sex?"

"NO!", I screamed. "That's the worst part! I love everything about you, Donatello. But…oh, to hell with it." I got up and went to my room.

Donny pursued. "Leo, wait a minute!" He grabbed my wrist.

I yanked my arm out of his grip and growled, "Don't touch me…just go fuckin' be with Raph." And with that, I slammed my door in his face and went and curled up in my bed.

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**_Author's Note:_** Clearly, Leo is wasting no time. This part of the series might turn out even shorter than the previous part, but I'll see how it progresses. 


	2. Chapter 2: Michelangelo is Concerned

**Gorgeous Shade of Blue**  
_Chapter 2: Michelangelo is Concerned_

Note: You will learn the meaning of the title in this chapter. Enjoy!

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I felt horrible that I said those things to Donny; I didn't mean to lash out at him. But the pain inside me was driving me crazy and making me miserable and angry, and I was taking it out on the one I loved. The next day, I promised myself, I was going to apologize to him. And then…for him, I was going to start myself on the path of forgetting. I wasn't sure if I would be capable of forgetting this aching in my heart, but I had to try…if I didn't, I was going to lose my relationship with my brother entirely and I couldn't live with that.

"I'm a leader, damn it – I can't be weak like this anymore. I have to be strong in the face of everything that is threatening…including this", I whispered to myself. For my brothers, for Sensei, and for Donny, I had to be a strong leader.

Then I heard a light tapping on my door, to which I responded with an uninterested "Yeah?"

"It's me, dude. Can I come in?"

Crap – it was Mikey. I must have roused him when I was shouting at Donny. I gave my consent and he came in, greeted by complete darkness. I heard him patting the wall in search of the light switch, and I eventually buried my face in my pillow when he found it and I got blinded.

"Hey man, are you okay? I heard you yelling earlier."

I rolled back over and looked at him. "Yeah – Donny and I just had a bit of a disagreement. I'm sorry for waking you up."

"You've been actin' weird lately…and really mean to Donny. Are you mad at him for somethin'?", Mikey asked.

"…yeah, I kind of am. But I shouldn't be. No need to be concerned, though, because I'm not going to act this way anymore. I've…I've got no grounds being angry with Donny because he didn't do anything to hurt me intentionally."

And at that moment, I realized it was the first time I'd opened up to Mikey about the whole situation. Then again, at that point, I didn't feel as though I could open up to anyone else. Clearly I wouldn't talk to Raph, and I'd lashed out at Donny and officially pissed him off…Sensei wouldn't understand. I'd rather talk to Donny than Mikey, but Mikey was here and wanted to help.

"Do you wanna talk about it, Leo?", he said as he sat down beside me on my bed.

I looked up at him. "I do…it's just…I don't know if you'd understand any of it, little brother."

"Are you mad about Donny and Raph bein' together?", he asked innocently, as if having intimate relations with your brother was totally normal.

"…how'd you know about that?", I asked in a slightly stunned tone.

He shrugged at me. "Well, I can kinda hear them doing…stuff…at night."

"Hah…yeah, that's a pretty good giveaway. But, yeah, I guess I am a little mad over them." I sighed and decided to tell Mikey what was going on in my head. "I'm only mad because…as hard as it is for me to say, I know I love Donny. I've loved him for a long time, but I never was brave enough to tell him. And watching him go and love someone else just hurts me very badly; I'm not necessarily angry, but hurting because he doesn't love me in return."

Mikey looked at me perplexedly, which is how I figured he'd react. "Dude…I…I don't know what to tell you. I just…I wish I could make you feel better."

Then my little brother wrapped his arms around me and hugged me – it wasn't meant to be a flirt on his part, but just a loving gesture between siblings. I was a little surprised, but, to be honest, I think a hug was just what I needed at that moment…not a kiss, not a crying shoulder, but a warm embrace. I held my brother close in return; he pressed his face against my chest and whispered to me in a voice that sounded vaguely broken.

"I don't want you to be sad anymore."

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He looked up at me, still holding me in a clinch. Mikey's expression was so odd that I couldn't tell what he was feeling; on one hand, his eyes looked polished over as if he was about to cry. On the other, he looked so happy just to be near me and to be able to see me. I've known my little brother all my life, but I never really took a good look at his eyes, which were a gorgeous shade of blue; for some reason, right then, I regretted never looking into his eyes and admiring their beautiful color. It was as if, at that moment, he was pouring his soul out to me through his eyes, and I just kept looking at him for the longest time. I dare say I was entranced by him, in some bizarre way.

My daze eventually was broken, and I realized Mikey was still snuggled up against my chest and was still looking up at me. It was then that I smiled and gave him a squeeze. "Aw Mikey, you can always cheer me up. Thanks."

His face went from slightly tearful to joyful, and he shot me one of his smiles that I always loved to see. This whole time, he hadn't let go of me once…and yet, I felt somehow at peace in my brother's embrace. He held me as if he were protecting me from some evil spirit that was threatening to cause me harm, and he continued to do so for quite a while. It was only when I attempted to get up that I become conscious of the fact that Mikey was passed out with his arms still around me. My light was still on, and it was in the glow of the light that I took a good look at my brother. He looked so peaceful when he slept, like a little angel in an orange mask. His personality and looks gave him a cute and childlike emergence, and that just seemed to make him slightly attractive to me.

Was this it? Was I beginning to warm up to my little brother? I found myself studying every little curve in his body as he slept, and I gently stroked his head and shoulders, somehow driven to touch his emerald skin. I sat and asked myself…

"Do I genuinely feel this way from my heart, or am I just feeling this because I know he has feelings for me?"

This was way too fuckin' difficult – how could I be in love with two of my brothers? And was my escalating love for Mikey real or not? Was I just so hungry for the touch of someone else that I was becoming fond of anyone whom may show an interest in me? I didn't want to even consider pursuing Mikey until I was sure my feelings were valid; I did not want to risk taking advantage of his delicate emotions just to fuel my own desires. Mikey didn't deserve to be used like that. But, in the mean time, I would snuggle up with my little brother for one night; my intentions were in no way romantic, but it just felt so good to have someone hold me when my heart was in the advanced stages of annihilation.

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**_Author's Note:_** This is all I have written of the whole story thus far, so I can't quite say when my next update will be. But I wish to extend my gratitude to those who have read the story so far, as well as those who have followed this little trilogy and those whom have left reviews - thank you so much! 


	3. Chapter 3: 'Can You Fix Me'

**Gorgeous Shade of Blue: Chapter 3  
**_Chapter 3: "Can You Fix Me?"

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My night with Michelangelo holding me provided me with some of the greatest sleep I've had in a very long time. I woke the next day in the afternoon to Mikey snuggled up next to me and with his arm draped over my chest, and he looked so angelic and placid in his sleep that I was reluctant to move. But, alas, I had to…I had to speak with Donatello. Shockingly, I was able to free myself from my brother's grip without waking him; I let him sleep in my bed while I went to scout out Donny. As I closed the door to my room, Donny walked past me without as much as a 'hello'.

"Donny, wait!", I called after him, to which his response was to continue walking.

I continued to call after him, and he did eventually stop. Without even turning to face me, he muttered, "What is it, Leo?"

With a deep breath, I told him what was on my mind. "Donny, I just…I want to apologize for my behavior last night. For the shit I said to you, and for what I did. I'm sorry I'm being so immature about all of this."

That was it – I really had nothing more to say except my apology. Finally, Donny turned around and looked at me with an expression I couldn't quite place. He didn't look upset, nor did he look depressed. He just looked…a little indifferent. I waited for a response from him, and feared he wouldn't forgive me. He then shot a half-smile at me and said, "I forgive you, Leo. I know you're still feeling upset, and I'd rather you vent it than let it build up inside yourself."

My brother proceeded to snatch me into a hug, and I felt those evil butterflies rising in my stomach again. To have the one I love touch me, even through just a hug, just made me feel wonderful and nervous all over; I didn't want to ever let him go. Unfortunately, I had to release him from my grip. He held me in front of him and smiled. "Don't worry bro, I'm not mad at you."

I looked back up at him. "Listen Donny, there's something else I want to talk to you about."

"Oh? What is it?", he asked.

"Don't worry, it isn't about you. It's…about Mikey."

"Okay."

"I found out that he has feelings for me…but I don't really feel the same way toward him."

"Let's talk about this in my room; I don't want Mikey to wake up and overhear us."

I followed Donny to his bedroom and we sat down side by side on his bed. It amazed me to think that, not long ago, we were sitting side by side in my room, talking about relationships…only it was me giving Donny advice, and not the other way around. My brother looked at me and motioned for me to continue with what I was saying.

"I'm just so worried…I don't want to pretend to love him like that to make him happy because I don't want to lie to Mikey. But I don't want to break his heart. I…I know how badly it hurts to know the one you love doesn't love them in return and it's a pain I wouldn't wish on anyone – especially Mikey. I don't know what to do, Donny – I don't want to hurt him."

My brother wrapped his arm around me. "I know you don't want to hurt him, but in this situation, he's going to get hurt no matter what. So, you need to go with the option that will hurt him the least."

I nodded at him. "I know…but damn, I just can't stand knowing that I'm going to end up having to hurt his feelings either way. But knowing Mikey…he'll hide behind his smile the whole time and then probably go duck in his room and stab his Leonardo voodoo doll", I said with a light chuckle.

We both laughed, and then a slightly uncomfortable silence ensued. I sat and twiddled my thumbs while Donny took a special interest in the wall to his left. I cleared my throat and, in a clearly uneasy voice, asked him, "So…umm…how are you and Raph doing?"

I peeked up at him from the corner of my eye – he looked in front of him, but never back at me; I'm pretty sure I made him feel a little perturbed asking him about this. "We're doing okay."

Damn it, I hated having things be so awkward between him and me. Of course, it didn't help that I forced myself on him the night before. But what's done is done; as much as I still wanted to be with Donny, I knew I just had to let him go. He'd found someone whom he loves and who loves him in return…and…if I were a good friend, a good sport and a good brother, I wouldn't have done what I did last night and I would have come to terms with whom Donny had chosen as his significant other. Regrettably, though, even the ninja leader succumbs to the pain of heartbreak.

At that point, with all those emotions flashing through my head, I knew I was going to get upset very promptly if I didn't leave. I got up and stretched my arms. "I guess I'll leave you to your work, brother." I turned to look at him and continued on. "Regardless of my behavior from last night, I'm happy that you've found someone who loves you, Donny. You've been so great to me and to us all and you deserve that happiness."

Donny looked a little surprised – I don't think he was expecting to hear those words coming from the one who held enmity toward his relationship. I was covetous and still a little angry, but that didn't mean I lied – in spite of my ill feelings, I was truly glad that Donny was happy in general. He smiled at me and pulled me into a hug. "Thank you, Leo. I only hope you'll someday find happiness as well." Little did my brother know that just being in his arms was making me eternally blissful. But now only one little conflict despoiled my mind: Should I wait until Mikey is ready to come forward and tell me how he feels, or should I confront him about it and tell him I don't quite share his feelings?

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After substantial deliberation for almost a week, I made the decision to let Mikey tell me on his own terms. Putting him on the spot will make him feel even more anxious and I didn't want that to happen; I wanted him to be unperturbed and to know he could talk to me about anything that's on his mind – not just this. Besides, I know I wouldn't have liked it if I got confronted by Donny about my feelings. In my mind, I felt that I didn't want to be with Mikey…but, if that was the case, why was it that I was feeling butterflies slowly rising in my stomach? Why was I trying to foresee how Mikey's confession would progress? I think that, in spite of my desire to not pursue Mikey, a little part of me remained attracted to him. Great – as if I didn't feel confused enough already, now I'm starting to question whether or not I have true feelings for my sibling whom has expressed an interest in me.

And during that week of thinking and beyond, I noticed Mikey acting rather coy around me. If I looked him in the eyes, he'd turn away and start to blush. If he and I were alone in the same room – even if just in passing – he'd talk with a hint of apprehension and fiddle with the loose ends of his mask. Yeah, he definitely had the hots for me…and just the way he acted when he was around me was so cute. But part of me wondered if he'd ever confess his deep, dark secret to me, considering how timid he had been acting. What boggles my mind, though, is if he's this shy about being in love with me, then why did he snuggle up to me that one night when I had an argument with Donny? He didn't seem all that shy that evening, so why the bashfulness?

More time passed with Mikey keeping his secret under wraps, albeit poorly. A large part of me speculated if, perhaps, I can act as sort of a catalyst in getting Mikey to divulge this secret of his. But one day, while passing by Donny's lab, I overheard something that proved just how profound Mikey's feelings were for me, and just how badly they were tearing him apart. It was late at night, which seemed to be when any of us with stuff to get off our chests would pursue the counsel of one another. As I was lazily dragging myself off to bed, I overheard Donny and Mikey talking and I admittedly began to eavesdrop when I heard one of them say my name. I quietly tiptoed up to the closed door to listen to what was being said.

"You should really tell him how you feel, Mikey. Leo's understanding, and it's not like he'd make fun of you for being honest with him."

"I know, but I'm just worried I'll make him feel worse. He still loves you, y'know."

A sigh, and then, "Yes, I know he does. And I feel bad because I know him seeing me with Raph hurts him a lot. But Mikey, if you love him, you should let him know. If he doesn't love you like that now, he might warm up to you in time."

"I'm just so scared…I don't want to upset him anymore than…he is…", Mikey said through a broken voice. He was starting to cry.

"Dude, what's the matter? Why the tears?"

Mikey sniffled and choked before managing to get his reasoning known. "Donny…you know a lot about medicine and our bodies and stuff, right?"

"Uhh…yeah, why?"

He paused. "Is there any way that…that you can fix me so I don't feel in love?"

"_What?!_ Why would you want to do that?"

"Because I'm so scared to tell Leo how I feel and I worry he won't love me back. This love stuff is just way too painful and I don't want to feel it anymore. Now I know how Leo feels lovin' you and not bein' able to have you…I just want my heart to stop hurting like this. It's too much for me to handle."

At that point, I had to cup my hand over my mouth to muffle a sob that threatened to sound. I had no idea my brother felt so strongly toward me and it just made me feel awful knowing he was going through the same terrible heartache I was, and was hurting so much that he was asking Donny to fix him so he couldn't love. It seriously broke my heart to know that he was so distraught by his feelings that he was willing to go to extreme measures, as far-fetched as they were, in order to cope with said feelings.

They continued their conversation. "Mikey, even if I could fix you, I wouldn't…because you aren't broken. You love him, and you haven't even tried to tell him and you're going to give up all hope because he _might_ turn you down?"

"B-but, what if he hates me for loving him?", Mikey asked through sobs and chokes.

"He won't hate you, Mikey. Of all of us, I think Leo needs someone to love him the most. I care about him very, very much and I know he and I will always be close, but he really needs someone who can give him more than brotherly love. Trust me, Mikey – he won't hate you for how you feel. I know he loves you as a brother and he'd never hate you over something like this."

"You sure?", Mikey asked in a sweet childlike voice.

"I'd bet my computer on it. And if he does hate you, then you can take my bo-staff and whack the shit out of him like a piñata."

And Mikey laughed…I silently thanked Donny for cheering Mikey up in his time of sadness, and for knowing me well enough to give our little brother an accurate reading of what I would and would not do in the event he opened up to me. But, the question on my mind was whether or not Mikey would admit his feelings, or if he ever would. Should I or should I not try to elicit information out of him, especially when I know he's so sensitive about the matter?

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**_Author's Note:_** Okay, so it was a bit uneventful...oops. But hmm...Mikey is pretty deep into his feelings. And will Leo stay true to his wish to allow Mikey to confess his feelings when he feels comfortable doing so? Especially now that he knows just how badly his little brother wants him?


	4. Chapter 4: Moonstruck

**Gorgeous Shade of Blue  
**_Chapter 4: Moonstruck_

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There's two things I would like to adadress before getting into this chapter. _Firstly_, I'd like to give a great big hug and 'thank you' to all those whom have added this story to their Favourites list, as well as those who have kindly left me reviews. I'm glad everyone is enjoying the story._

Secondly_, this chapter contains some erotic (but not X-rated) material. I have a feeling some of you were hoping for this to happen. That being said, please enjoy._

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And be it luck that was with me on that one particular night or simply a matter of good timing, I got the chance to make my move while trying my damnedest to be subtle. I had been meditating late one evening and I left the quiet confines of my room to get a glass of water, and there was Mikey sitting on the couch with the television low, watching some horror movie. If this was my chance, I wasn't going to let it go to waste. I made it a point to make a little noise, since he didn't hear me on the way in. When I turned the water on, Mikey turned around and looked to see who it was, and I returned the glance.

"Hey Mikey – what are you doing up so late?"

He draped his arms over the couch and sighed. "I couldn't sleep…and not even the TV is knocking me out."

I took my glass of water with me and sat down beside Mikey. I looked at him and asked, "Is everything okay? I mean, any reason why you can't sleep?"

Even in the dim glow of the television, I could still see his cheeks turning pink. "I don't know…I guess I just feel a little restless tonight."

"It happens. But, would you care if I joined you out here? I'm really not all that tired either."

Mikey stuttered a little. "Um…s-sure."

We sat together and watched whatever god-awful archaic horror film he'd found, and for the entire duration of the movie he was moving. If he wasn't jittering his foot, he was tinkering with his mask or adjusting his belt or rubbing his eye, and all the while his face remained flushed. When the movie ended, we sat in a rather awkward silence. I knew he wasn't going to say anything and, as much as I wanted him to make his confession on his own terms, part of me wanted to clarify everything immediately. Taking in a deep breath, I decided that moment was time to grow a pair and just ask him something - if not to get some answers, than at least to break up the silence.

"Mikey…can I ask you a question?"

"Go for it", was his reply.

"Why have you been acting so weird around me lately? I notice you've been really quiet and nervous whenever you're near me."

And Mikey's face proceeded to stretch into the famed "oh shit" expression – one I rarely saw on him. And I continued. "Did I do something wrong?"

He shook his head. "No. I don't know what it is. I just…I'm –" He never finished his sentence, and simply sighed and said, "I don't know. But I won't keep you up. I'm gonna go to bed."

It was glaringly obvious that he was exceedingly nervous about this – perhaps of the possibility that I may not love him back. If the truth be told, I was nervous about that too. I was so scared in my heart that I was in some way leading my brother on, and that I might not actually love him. Such notions scared me out of my wits; if there's anyone whom I'd never ever want to hurt, it's my little brother. And the worst part is that when he's upset, he often doesn't show it. He'll hide his emotions behind a cheerful smile, and release his bottled-up feelings when he's completely alone. I knew there would definitely be chances for me to wheedle this information out of him in the future, but I wanted the naïveté to stop. Even if nothing happens between the two of us, I at least want my brother back – the brother who wasn't afraid to be around me, and the brother who wouldn't flinch away and blush if I came into any physical contact with him. Or, in some part of my mind and my heart, did I truly savor this act of courting?

I was not about to allow my chance to walk away that night. Without ever getting up from the couch, and when Mikey had just circled the couch to head to his room, I said as calmly as possible, "You have feelings for me…don't you?"

* * *

He stopped in his tracks, and just remained standing still at his door. I stood up and watched him from behind the couch, waiting for some kind of retort; the only one that happened to be elicited being his fists clenching. He was definitely upset, but I had no idea if he was angry or sad or embarrassed. I walked up behind him and rested my hand on his shoulder. "Mikey…", I said in the softest possible tone I could muster. "Come talk to me."

Now, when I said this, a large part of me figured he wouldn't even acknowledge what I'd said…so, you can imagine my surprise when my brother followed me back to the couch and sat down beside me. His head hung low and he folded his arms over his lap – yeah, he undeniably didn't want to do this. And I realized that I was going against the promise even I made to myself by not letting my brother tell me what was on his mind on his own terms…but a part of me was screaming that I had to know his secret right then and not a moment later. I kicked myself for letting my mouth move faster than my mind, but it was too late to take back what had been said. Mikey looked ashamed, and I did my best to comfort him. I rested my hand on his shoulder and said, "Mikey…please, just tell me what you want."

My brother looked up at me with a look in his eyes that I couldn't place. He was obviously very nervous, but there was something else embedded within his expression that I could see. He looked at me for the longest time before muttering, "Alright then."

He slowly got up and then came over and stood in front of me; he had the same look in his eyes, and I remained seated and became confused. What the hell was he going to do? Mikey proceeded to put both his hands on the couch on either side of my head, and he leaned nearer to me. And it was only when he was closer that I was able to truly get a good glimpse of his eyes and was truly able to identify that enigmatic emotion so prevalent in them: It was lust.

No sooner did I come to this realization did my brother straddle my legs and gently grab hold of my shoulders, and then pressed his mouth to mine. My body jolted when I felt his warm lips suddenly pushed against my own – I really didn't expect him to be this forward with me because…well…it's Mikey. He kissed me deeply and passionately, and when we parted lips he let loose a shallow, shaky breath. That's when he looked at me and said in a rather seductive tone, "I want _you_, Leo."

And again, I saw those beautiful blue eyes gazing at me and boring holes into me – they were ablaze with the flames of passion. I could feel his hot breath against my flesh and it made me shudder. He seemed quite nervous, but at the same time, impassioned…as if he knew what he wanted, but his body was pulling him in two different directions. Countless things were charging through my mind at that moment and my heart was thumping like mad. Mikey was being atypically dominant – was this on purpose, or did he really want me that badly? And was what he felt actually love, or an animal lust that had been brewing within him for so long and was only now being released? His eyes screamed sex to me, and while I certainly wouldn't object to some intimacy, I wondered if my brother wanted to take things that far and, if so, if that was the only thing on his mind. The entire time these things were deliberated in my head, Mikey was exploring the far corners of my mouth with his lithe tongue, was grinding his hips into mine, and I was rapidly feeling my brain bleeding into my groin.

Yet somehow, in the face of our hot bliss, I gently pushed Mikey from my mouth. "Mikey", I said, "How do you feel toward me?"

He looked at me, befuddled. "What do you mean?"

I gently placed my hands on his waist and held him close. "I mean…is what you feel just a physical attraction, or is it more than that?"

"It's hard to explain…I definitely think you're hot, but you mean more to me than just looks, bro. I feel like I can talk to you, and I feel comfortable around you, and I always love making you smile."

"Are you saying that you're in love with me?", I asked, knowing how hopeless Mikey is with words.

No answer at first, but he leaned in and kissed me deeply again. "Yeah, that's right", he said with one of his adorable smiles.

"Okay. I was…just wondering. So this is why you've been so edgy around me...because you wanted to be with me?"

He piped up again timidly. "Uh-huh. But...how do you feel about me, Leo? Do you love me?"

I chuckled lightly and stroked his face. "I never would have thought you'd have seen anything worth loving in me…but I believe that I have learned to love you since I found out how you really felt."

* * *

We exchanged bewitching smiles and Mikey snatched me up in a tight hug. I couldn't help but return the gesture; it felt incredible to have someone loving me, and to have someone to whom I could give my love in return. I loved feeling his balmy flesh pressed against mine, and feeling his arms around me. And as smoothly and as perfectly as if it had been rehearsed, Mikey gently broke our embrace and began to trace a line from my lips down my neck and chest with his tongue. I felt him slowly licking his way down my body, at painfully slow speeds – and I say it was painful because my member was begging for attention and was crushed against the inside of my shell at that moment. My body shivered as I felt Mikey's warm breath and fleet tongue between my legs, teasing and tormenting me and my raging hormones. To be honest, I was doing my damnedest to try and not succumb to my carnal desires and ravage him right then, but my brother was making it outstandingly difficult for me to refrain from surrendering to him.

A shrill whimper escaped my lips – he was driving me crazy and I felt the need for him growing frantically within me. In less than an hour, Mikey went from being naïve and shy to being a conniving incubus bent on pleasuring me to the utmost degree. I had no idea how experienced Michelangelo was with relations, and even in the throes of lust I worried that he was still a virgin and would feel distressed and repentant tomorrow about this. As much as I was enjoying feeling him teasing my most sensitive place, I was still concerned that I may have somehow taken advantage of him. Had I at any point led him on? I know as the leader of our team, it is up to me to try and protect my brothers from anything which may cause them harm – my biggest concern at that moment was whether or not my love for Mikey was as true as I hoped. At that point, I was too far gone in an arroyo of hormones, sweat and desire to turn back. I almost knew something was going to go on between us that night and I know neither of us would object. My only hope was that neither of us would regret such a union if and after it had been achieved.

"Mikey, stop for a second…", I asked in a whisper.

"Huh? Why?"

I pressed my finger to his lips. "Let's go to my room so we don't wake the others."

He nodded and followed me to my bedroom, and no sooner did I close and lock my door did I lunge at him and pin him to my bed. He'd driven me insane torturing me, and at that point my body was wild with lust. I pressed my mouth roughly to his and firmly rubbed and squeezed his upper body; he was so tense and so warm and this just fed my raging need s even further. I did to him what I'd done to Donny a few nights before – I viciously yanked the ends of his bandanna down, making his head tilt sharply back. And I spared not an ounce of energy in showing him exactly what his wandering tongue had done to my body and my hormones; butterfly kisses and playful nips never crossed my mind. The second I had full access to his tender neck, I was digging my beak into his flesh, sucking frantically on the skin and biting him hard. My animalistic urges were not to the point of completely controlling my sex-laced mind – I took care in not biting into his throat, lest I cause him serious harm. Nonetheless, it wasn't long before Mikey's neck was covered in bruises and bite marks.

And I was far, far from being done with him. I think I was even starting to scare myself with my sudden need to brutalize my brother sexually, but he never once looked scared, nor did he ever ask me to stop. His eyes told me he was starving for this attention and I was prepared to give it to him. Mikey submitted willingly to every single thing I did to him, and my inhibitions were fleetly vanishing as his cries of pleasure put me in some sort of eerie sexually-crazed spellbound state. Sounds divine, does it not? Unfortunately, it wasn't so marvelous for me. Even when my body was begging to unite with Mikey's, alarm bells were going off in the back of my mind – I was indeed scared…scared that, if I continued, I might do something to Mikey I'd regret. I was losing control of myself very quickly and, as much as I didn't want my intimate moment with Mikey to end, I had to stop it before I started being more than just dominant.

* * *

"Mikey…I…I need to stop", I said through heavy gasping.

"What? Why?", he asked, his voice full of desperation. I knew he wanted this badly, and I did as well.

"It's just…I've never felt like this before. Even I can't believe I was so brutal to you just now."

"You okay, bro? Weren't you enjoying it?", he asked his voice mitigated.

I shook my head. "No way – far from it. I loved every second of it. It's just…since I've never done this, I'm just…I'm scared that I might lose control and do something to really hurt you, Mikey. And I care way too much about you to allow myself to do that." I sighed and crashed against the bed beside my brother. "Would you hate me very much if I didn't want us to go all the way tonight?"

"No problem, Leo. I'm totally comfortable with doin' it, but you should be too." And he went on to kiss me gently on the cheek, making me blush. "You're worth waiting for."

* * *

For some reason, those words had a very profound effect on me. I was worth something to someone – I was worth more than the one who has to be the good role model, the good leader and the one with all the answers who has to look out for everyone else. I was worth more than the blades on my belt or the skills I had to use them. I was worth more than being everyone's emotional punching bag and my being mediocre in Master Splinter's eyes. I realize I was probably reading way too far into what my brother said, but just his choice of words and the tone in which he spoke them made me feel really and truly loved.

"Leo?", my brother asked when he heard a sniffle escape me.

Yes, I'd shed a tear over what he'd said. "Don't worry Mikey – I'm just happy. What you said just now…it means a lot to me."

"I meant it, bro", he said with a beautiful smile.

And that's when I realized that I had reached my emotional plateau – ever since finding out my brother's secret, I'd been slowly trying to envision life being his lover. Sometimes it seemed a little odd, but other times it seemed like a wonderful possible future. That night I spent with Mikey sealed my emotions; he was more than someone who could relieve me of my carnal desires. That night, I realized I, in fact, loved Michelangelo. With a swift and fluid motion of my arms, I swept him across the bed and into my lap. Taking a long, deep gaze into his eyes, I then kissed him avidly and said to him, "I love you, Michelangelo".

"I love you too, Leonardo", he said, his voice cracking a little. I knew he was starting to get teary-eyed as well, but I knew it was out of joy. This had been the first night in a long time I had not dreamt of Donny and I would venture to say I didn't miss those dreams. Perhaps I was finally starting to get over the one whom I'd loved for the last decade, and the one with whom I'd shared incalculable moments of intimate friendship. Or was I? Regardless of whether or not my feelings toward Donny remained, I was not going to let them interfere with my night with Mikey.

* * *

I kissed my brother lightly on the mouth and stroked his soft face. "I need to…umm…go do something really quick. I'll be back, though."

Mikey nodded – I think he knew what I had to and deal with. I somehow found the willpower to stop myself from tearing Mikey apart in a sexual craze, but that didn't mean I had the authority to demand that my erection disappear as well. Far from it, in fact…and I just had to go relieve these pent-up feelings within me, lest they drove me insane. On hurried and fraught legs, I moved far into one of the sewer pipes, to where no one would hear me. I chose a desolate enough spot and sat against the cold wall with my legs apart, and I seemed to not be able to put my hand on myself fast enough. Reaching quickly under my tail, I grasped my aching member and went about relieving the dire tension within my body. The tunnels within the sewers echoed with my wailing and cries – this far from the den, I wasn't afraid to be loud about what I was doing.

The fingers on my vacant hand dug into the ground, and I found myself thrashing about more wildly than usual – I loved every second of what I was doing, but at the same time, I couldn't stand the tension. It had never made me this moonstruck to be aroused, and the sensation was so potent that it almost hurt for me to finish what I'd started. The final stages of my excitement were upon me and suddenly, I knew my period of insanity would be coming to an end. I cried out one word very loudly before climaxing…

"DONNY!"

And then I felt the archetypal proof of my tension having reached its demise – the burst of warm fluid on my hand. I leaned back against the wall, exhausted; with a flick of my wrist, I sent the offending white substance into the stagnant water below me. Clearly, my body had refused to allow me to forget Donatello, even after the seduction Mikey put me through.

* * *

**_Author's Note:_** Mmm...sexings. Well, almost - masturbation counts for something, right? But damn, this was a long chapter! More to come (no pun intended), but I don't know when. 


	5. Chapter 5: One Little Division

**Gorgeous Shade of Blue: Chapter 5  
**_One Little Division_

* * *

_"Oh God, Leo!",_ he screamed.

I looked down into his eyes – they were beckoning me to go harder, and deeper; to find out exactly how deeply our physical limits would allow me to go. His body against mine, and feeling his hot flesh rubbing against my own, his mewls and cries drove me wild. I wasn't afraid to lose control, and lose it is exactly what I did. Both our bodies were taut with sexual tension, and I didn't know if I was perturbed at not having reached climax yet or thrilled that I was still capable of going on. All I knew at that point was that I wanted him urgently.

The end for us both was nearing briskly, and I could feel my lower regions palpitating in anticipation. His fingers dug into my shoulders as his breathless moans became screams of rapture. Soon I was pressed fully against him and pushing into him with all my strength. My eyes began to cloud over, and I could feel myself about to erupt…and that's when he let out a final scream before splattering his seed across my abdomen.

"DONNY!", I cried out. Not a second later, I felt my own orgasm strike me…and it was the most incredible feeling I'd ever experienced. I looked down at my sweaty, panting lover – he was gorgeous when he was exhausted. And then…I batted my eyes open.

* * *

"Wh…what the hell was that dream?", I thought. My body was slick with sweat and my sheet stuck to my flesh. I reached under the sheet between my legs and pulled back a sticky hand. In fact, I ejaculated in full all over my bed…interesting as it was, I was not eager to sleep in my own fluids. For some reason, I had moved beyond fantasizing about Donny to having explosive wet dreams about him – just fucking peachy. I looked to my side to see that Michelangelo was, thankfully, still asleep…or at least putting on a very convincing sleep façade. I just didn't know what the hell my heart wanted anymore – on one hand, I did love Mikey…I really did. But, clearly, Donatello fills a void in my desires and in my heart that Mikey leaves open. There was just something about Donny that made me love him profoundly – so intensely, in fact, that it made me continue to love him even in spite of my feelings for Mikey. Things were getting way too complicated and it wouldn't be fair of me to be with Mikey when my heart still desired Donny. But, what could I do? I couldn't help the way I was feeling. The sun was just coming up and I wasn't about to get up and start the day when I'd just gone to sleep only a few hours ago. However, that choice was not up to me that morning – no sooner had I nuzzled my head back into my pillow, I heard a loud bashing on the door, followed by Raphael shouting.

"Leo, get the fuck up! We gotta go do something NOW!"

That jostled us both awake – Raph has a gift for this kind of thing. Mikey stretched and scratched under his arm and muttered cumbersomely, "Wha…why's Raph screamin', dude? Is it garbage day already?" and collapsed back down on the bed; he was still pretty much asleep and babbling nonsensically. I gave him a gentle shake. "Mikey, get up – I think this is actually important". No luck…lazy motherfucker. I knew one way to wake his ass up for sure; I leaned in close and gave him a deep, passionate kiss while fondling him between the legs, and, as sure as the sunrise, his eyes bolted open and he was wide awake in seconds.

"What? Huh? I'm awake!"

I smiled – he was so cute when he got caught off-guard. "Come on, Mikey. We need to go…"

As if on cue, Raph banged on the door a second time. "Leo – fuckin' NOW!"

We shuffled out of bed and headed out the door, and halfway to the door, one thought crossed my mind: Shit, they were going to know what went on between Mikey and I last night. But would it really be that big of a deal since there weren't really any secrets about our feelings? I didn't care too much, and I figured I'd just tell the guys that Mikey fell asleep in the chair next to my bed while we talked last night. We shuffled out into the main area of the den, Mikey out first. Raph took a look at us, one following right after the other. He gave Mikey a devious grin and said, "Busy night last night, sweethearts?"

I rolled my eyes. "Very funny, Raph…no. Now why the fuck did you wake me up at the butt crack of dawn?"

"Because, fearless leader…I was up on the surface and a whole shit load of thugs were robbin' a store. An' they took someone hostage."

"Alright then…let's go", I said while I grabbed my swords from my room; it had been a while since anything had actually happened up above, so I was game for anything at this point. And right before we darted out of the sewer, I took one more glance at Mikey; his eyes were still buggy. I laughed to myself – he was definitely going to get me back for that in ways that I would like.

We voyaged over the rooftops, for once following Raphael as he searched for the store that was being ransacked. The worst part of this is the last thing on my mind at that moment was whether or not the poor hostage being held in the store was okay. I was thinking about that kiss I gave Mikey, I was thinking about my wet dream of feral sexual savagery with Donny, and every other possible thought about my two brothers seemed to clash together in a cacophony of reflections. And it gave me a damn headache…but I kept up with the rest of the team and Raph finally found that damn store. We descended and peeked around the corner of the building and into the alley, where we saw some young adults loading stolen goods from the small store into a van. Thankfully, they weren't teenagers…I was in no mood to 'go easy' on them because of their age. It had been way too long since we'd dealt any justice and I had an urge to do some major damage. Holy hell, did I just say that? I was starting to sound like Raph.

* * *

We split up into groups of two – naturally, Donny and Raph went together into the store to deal with the guys in there and to find the hostage. Mikey stayed with me to handle the idiot jackoffs in the alley. With one quick motion, I unsheathed my swords, and this turned all their heads. With my trademark confident scowl, I took one step closer.

"You guys need a little help putting that stuff back in the store?"

I expected these guys to back off and run away screaming like most of our targets who weren't the Foot…but, shockingly, they didn't flinch at our appearance. On the contrary, they stood poised and they each drew weapons – all what appeared to be hunting knives and box cutters. Pathetic compared to a pair of katanas, but I was feeling a mix of unease and excitement at their reluctance to back down. We began to circle each other in the tiny alley, and when I neared their vehicle, I made it a point to slash both their back tires – if they wanted to steal the stuff in that van, they were going to be carrying it away.

This seemed to rile them all up and before I could blink, I had three of them coming at me at once. Michelangelo fought off two other guys with ease and managed to swipe away their blades and knock one of them totally out cold. He probably gave the guy a concussion. Moments later, I heard the crashing of glass – someone got thrown out the front window of the store, but I had to focus on the guys in front of me, especially considering I was backed up against the alley wall and the thugs were blocking my only exit. I felt not an ounce of apprehension – I was confident in my abilities, but I wasn't one hundred percent on the ball because I kept wondering how Donny and Raph were faring in the store.

Eventually, Raph joined Mikey and I in the alley, and he helped us back those guys against the alley wall. We stood in a row, blocking their exit – this was gonna be quite a blast.

"Guys, is the hostage okay?", I asked without taking my eyes off the men in front of us.

"Yeah, she wasn't hurt. Donny is walking her to the police station in case there's more of them out there."

I nodded – I'm glad the hostage was safe. I looked from Raph to Mikey and we smiled in unison; we decided to teach those wastes of air a damn lesson. It was four on three, but I knew we could whip the without a problem. We charged them and they stood with their legs planted and knives drawn. Raph was first to strike and he lifted one guy clear over his head with his Sais and threw him like a toy. I couldn't see what Mikey was doing, but I could hear his nunchakus busily serving their purpose on some shmuck's head. I focused on dealing with the guy who was clashing blades with me and I was about to slice the fucker's hands off when I heard a familiar voice call out from behind.

"I'm here, guys!"

It was Donny calling out as he ran toward us. I looked back at him by instinct with my guard still up, and in that little span of time, the guy I was battling tripped me. It actually took me by surprise and the guy prepared to bury his knife in my stomach, but I lurched out of the way…unfortunately, it wasn't enough out of the way, and his blade buried at an angle about halfway into my inner thigh, entering through one side and exiting the other, and I screamed like a banshee. I knew it definitely wasn't a deep wound, but damn it hurt. My hand found its way to my katana and I slashed the bastard right between the legs. Donny saw what happened and rushed to my side as Raph and Mikey fought off the remaining two guys.

* * *

"Leo! Leo, are you okay? Where are you hurt?"

I began to sit up. "I'm fine, Donny. It's just a little scrape."

I looked up in time to see Raph grab one of those thugs by the back of the head and slam the guy hard face first into the brick wall. Mikey high-kicked another guy in the chin and most likely broke the guy's jaw. I limped out of the way and the guys who weren't completely knocked out ran away pretty fleetly. I felt good, despite the ache in my leg.

"That was awesome, dudes!", Mikey chirped in his goofy skater boy voice.

"That was so weak…I was hopin' for somethin' a little more...challengin'", Raph groused as he sheathed his Sais.

Donny was still standing near me. "You sure you're okay, Leo?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Let's go home, guys.:

"Can we get some pizza? I'm majorly starving here", Mikey whined.

For once, I had to agree with him…I was hungry as well.

We headed toward home, with Donny and Mikey following Raph and I. When we stepped out into the bright morning sun, Donny let out an "Oh shit!" and we all stopped.

"What's wrong, Donny?"

"You are, Leo! You're bleeding everywhere!"

I looked down at my leg – it was throbbing like mad with pain, but blood was also flooding down my leg. "Wow…I guess it was more than a scrape."

Everyone looked at my leg, and no one could clearly see the wound. Raph cocked his eyebrow at me. "Leo, did you get stabbed in the…umm…uhh…"

I interrupted his blathering. "No Raph, I didn't get a knife in the crotch. It's on my inner leg."

He nodded. "That's good. I was going to ask if you wanted us to just kill you if you'd gotten a knife in your meat and two veg."

I smiled in the face of the pain and replied, "I would accept your offer if that's what had actually happened. But it's going to take more than this to get rid of Leonardo."

I heard Raph prattle an annoyed "Dammit", and I slugged him in the arm. Smartass.

Donny offered me his arm. "Do you need help walking, Leo?"

I shook my head. "I'm not an invalid, Don. But thanks. I can walk – it just hurts."

"Okay, but I'm going to look at the wound when we get home."

* * *

My face seemed to lose a touch of its color – if my wound had been anywhere else, I wouldn't have cared. But this gash was critically close to my genitals and I really didn't want Donny to have his hands that close to that area of my body. Well…okay, I did, but I knew this was going to get way, way too weird. The guy I love was going to be rooting around between my legs to clean a wound that is mere inches away from an organ that hardens upon thoughts about him.

We got back to the lair and Master Splinter was already up and watching his soap operas. He rose from his chair and came to see us. "How was your outing, my sons?"

"Dude, we like, so kicked some major tail, and I was, like, 'woah' an-"

I put my hand on Mikey's shoulder to make him shut up – he was way too hyped up on adrenaline to talk coherently. "We fought well, Sensei. Raphael and Donatello saved the hostage and got her to safety".

"You've done well, my sons", and that is when Splinter noticed my discomfort kneeling before him.

"Leonardo, is something troubling you?"

"It's nothing, Sensei."

Donny piped up. "Leonardo sustained a minor injury in battle, Master."

"I see. And why is that, Leonardo?"

Oh great – here came the lecture. I wasn't in the mood, honestly, so I just told him the truth. "I lost my concentration for a moment and didn't dodge an attack in time."

"You cannot lose your skill, Leonardo. Ninjas cannot be slow, and if you are being defeated by a handful of petty thieves, then you are losing that which I have taught you."

The pain in my leg was being made worse by kneeling, and I wanted to just shoot my mouth off at him, but I retained my composure and replied. "I understand, Sensei. I will train harder from now on to ensure this will not happen again."

"See that you do. You are excused, my sons."

We all bowed before him, and Donny lifted me to my feet. I winced out loud, to the point of almost whining – I was still bleeding.

"Come on – let's get you into my lab. I'll bandage the wound before you bleed all over."

* * *

I sucked in a shaky breath…I was unprepared for this, but I knew I couldn't tell Donny that I didn't want him to do this. What he saw as medical care, I saw as foreplay, but I was going to try my best to not lose my tranquility. Donny pointed at a lab table with a sheet draped over it. I pulled my body onto it, and shivers went through me as I felt the cold metal against my flesh, even through the sheet. Donny tinkered with supplies at another lab table and brought over a tray full of gauze, bandages, cotton and peroxide. He washed his hands and then turned to me.

"Okay Leo, where is this wound?"

"It's on my right inner thigh."

Donny looked up and down my leg and traced the dried trail of blood that stretched from my thigh down to my ankle. Very gently, he placed his hands on my knees and spread my legs apart. I felt a jolt rush through my body as he pretty much exposed my body to himself. I felt his warm hands exploring the region of my leg where the wound was. He pressed his palm against my groin and the other on my thigh, in order to get a decent view of the offending injury. Then he proceeded to put his face close to the wound to examine exactly how deep it was – at that point, I'd stopped bleeding because all the blood had rushed to my groin. Thankfully, my arousal was hidden by my shell, because I'd have been mortified had he seen that I had an erection from this. I swallowed and tried to sound nonchalant.

"So what's the prognosis, Doctor?"

"Nothing fatal – it's in the muscle, so it's understandable why it hurt so badly. But you're going to need stitches."

I nodded and turned my face away. Donny smiled and continued. "I'm sorry if that…umm…excited you."

My eyes were wide – I could feel it. I looked at him and tried my best to sound confused. "W-What do you mean?"

He chuckled. "Leo, your face is beet-red. I didn't just fall off the turnip truck, brother."

I turned my face away, embarrassed. He put his hand on my shoulder, "Relax. I won't tell anyone. But we need to get you stitched up – I don't want you to get an infection."

"Right", I said and tried to relax. I watched Donny fill a syringe with what I assume was some kind of numbing agent and he injected it right into my leg near where that wretched gash was, and before I knew it, I couldn't feel my leg. My brother threaded his trusty needle, spread my legs again and began to stitch the wound closed. I felt some pressure, as if my skin was being pinched, but nothing awful.

* * *

"Leo…why'd you look back at me today?"

"Huh?", I asked, confused.

"You knew it was me, so why'd you look back? It's what left you open for an attack, you know."

I sighed – now he was going to lecture me too? "I know…I just. I don't know. I guess I just had to see with my own eyes that you were okay."

He never looked up from his stitching, but he continued after a few minutes of quietus. "Leo…I know you still have feelings for me, but please don't let them interfere with battles. I would never forgive myself if you got seriously hurt or worse because you were too busy checking up on me."

"I won't let it happen anymore, Don. I just…I don't know what happened today. I guess it's just been so long since we had a fight and I slacked when I shouldn't have." More silence, and then I went on. "Besides…it doesn't help heal my feelings when your hands are a couple inches away from my dick."

He stopped and looked up at me with a blank expression. I shrugged my shoulders at him and he laughed and shook his head and laced the final stitches into my leg. He proceeded to tie up the ends into taut knots, snip away the excess, apply more peroxide, and then strap a handful of gauze to the wound using medical tape. Throughout the entire procedure, his touch remained enticingly gentle.

"Okay, all done. Just take it easy on that leg for a few days so the sutures don't rupture."

I closed my legs for the first time in about fifteen minutes, and I stretched my arms. "Thank you, Don."

"No problem."

I hopped off the lab table and made my way out of the lab and to my room to relax, but not before copping a glance on my way out and getting an eyeful of Donny's backside as he bent over in full to grab the scissors he'd dropped on the floor. Damn he was such a tease, and the worst part was he wasn't trying to be.

* * *

Those blasted stitches remained in my leg for three weeks, and once a week I had to report to Donny's lab to be checked for signs of infection and so he could ensure the wound was healing properly. And I have to admit that I looked forward to these examinations; I happily awaited the days when I would be led into the lab and have my brother's gentle hands parting my legs to inspect that area so terribly close to my arousal. It was a slightly disappointing day when Donny said the stitches could come out – it would mean I wouldn't be able to feel his hands on me anymore. Oh well – it had been fun while it lasted.

After those three weeks ended, Mikey was eager to get into my bedroom and start some mischief. I could unquestionably have used some attention after the torturous teasing I'd been put through by Donatello, but I had to talk to Mikey first before anything commenced. The very night I had my stitches removed, I heard Mikey's customary light tapping at my door.

"It's open", I said quietly.

Mikey slipped in, with a big, devious smile on his face. Yeah, he was plotting to get some action that night. He came and sat beside me as I closed the book I was reading, and rubbed my shoulder.

"How's the leg, bro?"

"A lot better. Donny said it's totally healed."

"Really? Lemme see!"

And before I had a chance to say anything, Mikey crawled onto the bed and spread my legs. He stared at my leg and went, "Woah, that's a major scar you got there." And he proceeded to divert his eyes from my leg to my groin. "Uh-oh! This guy is unconscious! I must perform mouth-to-mouth!"

He managed to release my flaccid member from my shell and immediately began to slide his tongue up and down over it. God, it felt so damn good, and I got hard in an instant. Part of me wanted to let him continue and just talk to him on another night, but I knew I had to have this conversation with him before he got the design into his crazy little head that we were an official couple. It was almost painful to make him stop – I don't know how experienced he was, but damn he was good at what he was doing. I clapped my legs gently against his head and said, "Mikey…s-stop for a minute…"

Surprisingly, he listened. "Am I hurting you, bro?"

I sat up. "No, not at all. It felt wonderful. It's just…well…Mikey, you know that you and I aren't…you know…an official couple like Raph and Donny are, right?"

He looked slightly befuddled. "Yeah, dude. I know. Why do you ask?"

I groaned. "I don't know how to say this, but…I still have feelings for Donny. And these last three weeks of having him sticking his hands near my crotch have not helped me forget those feelings. I want to be with you Mikey, but…it won't be fair to you if we're together and I'm thinking about Donny."

Mikey stroked my cheek gently and smiled. "It's okay Leo. I just want you to do what will make you happy."

"Easier said than done, little brother."

* * *

"Hey, I was just thinkin'…do you think you'd forget your feelings if you screwed Donny?"

I don't think I blinked for quite some time. "What?!"

"I'm pretty good at convincing people to do shit for me, Leo…if I pull some strings, I could probably have it arranged so you and Donny could spend the night together and – y'know – and we won't let Raph know. Do you think bein' able to do it with him will help you cope with your feelings?"

I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or slap him in the head, so I just put my hand gently on his shoulder. "I really appreciate that you'd be willing to go to those lengths for me, Mikey…but I don't want to make Donny be unfaithful to Raph. As much as Raph grates on my nerves, I wouldn't ever want to hurt him like that. Besides, I think if I had a taste of Donny, I'd just want him even more. I'd rather not take the chance."

Mikey nodded at me. "Okay. Just an offer."

I hugged my little brother – he was so thoughtful, even if at times, his thoughtfulness was masked by perversion. "Thanks for thinking so much of me, Mikey."

"So…um…do you want me to stop coming in here at night?"

"Only if you want to stop, Mikey. Honestly, I enjoy having you sleeping beside me. It's nice to curl up together like we did when we were little, and I feel a little more…well…secure having someone next to me who I can hold on to."

"What about the kissing and making out and other stuff?"

I shrugged. "I don't mind still doing that with you, but as long as you won't be hurt knowing we aren't going to be a serious couple anytime soon."

"So you want to be friends-with-benefits?", he asked delightfully.

"Yeah, I guess so."

* * *

My little brother smiled at me and clutched my face close to his, and he proceeded to force his tongue deep into my mouth. When we parted beaks, he looked at me with his mesmerizing blue eyes and said in a relatively seductive tone, "Sounds good to me", and he curled up beside me on my bed.

He looked so cute when he curled up like a cat. While he drifted off to sleep, I sat awake in bed, thinking about the whole situation yet again. On one hand, I wanted to be with him – he made me happy, and he cared very much for me and, although it's not exactly a huge priority to the inexperienced fearless leader, he knew how to tease me just right. A large part of me wanted to be with Mikey, but there was still that little division of my heart that remained devoted to Donny. Try as I might, I could not forget him…but considering I've only learned to love Mikey as more than a brother within the last month or so and I've been in love with Donny for many years. I'd say it's totally explicable that I can't shake these feelings in a month. I didn't want to settle for Mikey just because he conveniently cares for me, but I knew my feelings for him were genuine. I just couldn't start something serious with him when I was still in love with Donny, because I would be expecting him to be just like Donny and that would be unrealistic in every sense of the word. Mikey be Donny? That's a laugh. Mikey can't even spell his own name, let alone do the calculations that Donny can do or read the massive books of biology, mechanics and computers that Donny reads.

I was just hoping to find an answer soon so I could tell Mikey whether or not to wait around for me.

* * *

**_Author's Note:_** I apologize for this chapter being so long (and also for all the page breaks) - I guess I wanted to tell a big chunk of the story in one chapter. Leo's still confused about his feelings - big bloody surprise. I think the next chapter may be the final one, so hopefully it will have something exciting in it to make up for the excitement this chapter lacked. Thank you all again for reading! 


	6. Chapter 6: Breaking My Brother's Heart

**Gorgeous Shade of Blue**  
_Chapter 6: Breaking My Brother's Heart_

* * *

Mikey was getting more and more cuddly with me as the week went by, and I made damned sure I looked at my situation from every possible angle and put exceptional thought into my decision. I mused over things for a couple of months – you heard me correctly: two months of debating and pondering and brooding over whether or not one particular course of action was right or wrong, or if it was more right than another. It was not an easy task in the least – most of those eight weeks, I couldn't even sleep because I was up at night thinking. My biggest concern was Michelangelo's feelings – I didn't want to use him or make him feel used. Regardless of his past sexual experiences with Raphael, I know he's still pretty shy at heart and I absolutely did not want to rob him of that innocence. So, after so many hours and days of profound contemplation, I finally reached a decision….I didn't want to be with Mikey.

That is most definitely not to say that I did not enjoy our time together, because I did. But, I still see Mikey more on a brotherly level, rather than on the level of a mate. I find him attractive, funny and very sexy, but I feel deep down that I just can't love my little brother in that way. Nevertheless, I tried with all my heart and soul to love him – I wanted to love him in that way, but I knew that in the end, it would be a matter of me settling for Mikey just because Donny wasn't available. And I didn't want to settle for him, even if he was crazy for me. I'd broken his heart enough already by leading him on like I had been, giving him false hope through our sessions of cuddling and passionate kisses that maybe there was a shred of a chance that I'd want to be with him. It was wrong, and I had to make it stop before I hurt my brother even more.

It wasn't going to be easy explaining this to Mikey, but it had to be done. I waited for him to come into my room like he always did every night, and sure enough, I heard his soft tapping at my door. I didn't even bother saying anything because he tended to let himself in right after knocking anyway, and in he bounded and sat down beside me.

"Hey sexy", he mewed while sporting a devious grin. He lay down beside me.

I looked him in the eyes and spoke in my most gentle serious tone. "Mikey, we really need to talk about something."

His face straightened up slightly. "…okay. Whatcha wanna talk about? The weather? Or maybe the—"

I interrupted him. "That's not what I mean, bro. I want to talk about us."

He sat up and looked at me. "Continue".

I heaved a heavy sigh; I was so nervous about how Mikey would take what I was about to say. "Mikey, you know I love you, right? You've always been great to me and I seriously can't picture my life without you being a part of it. But…" I stopped and looked away for a moment, thinking of how exactly to say what needed to be said.

Silence hung between us for a while before Mikey piped up, "…but you're not in love with me."

He hit the nail on the head, and all I could do was shoot him a quick glance before turning away again; for some reason, I just plain felt rotten for what I'd said, even if it was for the best. Then I felt my brother's gentle hand on my shoulder. "Leo, it's okay. Please don't feel bad. I didn't expect you to love me just because I love you."

At that point, I started to ramble a little. "I know Mikey, but...I don't know how to even explain this. You're…you're just such a wonderful person, and I always wanted to see you find happiness. And when I found out you wanted to be with me, I guess I just felt obligated to be yours because…well…because I didn't want you to be heartbroken."

I stopped for a moment, but then finished. "But I realized that it would be more harmful than helpful for me to stay with you and just pretend to be in love to make you happy. You deserve real love when that is what you are giving, little brother. I'm…I'm sorry if I've led you to think differently about us, Mikey."

I sat there, anticipating some crying, or the sound of Mikey slamming my door and running back to his own room. Instead, I felt his arms around me in a warm embrace. "Don't feel sorry, Leo. I'm glad you told me the truth – that takes a lot of guts to do."

"You sure you're gonna be okay?", I asked.

"It's cool, dude. Love stuff doesn't always work out the way you want it to. Just as long as we're still bros."

"Definitely – no matter how much you might annoy me sometimes, you're always going to be my little brother and I'm always going to love you.", I said with a hopeful smile, which my dear brother happily returned.

"I'm gonna go back to sleep, though…hah, it'll be the first time in a few months I've slept in my own bed. Or do you still want me to stay with you in here?"

I looked at the empty spot beside me on my bed and then back at Mikey. "Umm…maybe we shouldn't."

Mikey shrugged. "You're the boss. G'night, bro", he said with a wave as he quietly left the room, and I reached two conclusions. Either he took our talk extremely well, or he was bottling up his sadness and went to his room to unleash them. It all seemed to progress too well to have ended the way it did. It was going to be strange without my brother beside me – I had grown so used to him curling up next to me that I sort of missed him being there. It truly felt like a large part of my life had suddenly gone missing, but I knew it was for the best. Mikey needed someone who truly loved him, not someone who tried to do so.

* * *

And Mikey wasted no time in seeking counsel from one of our brothers, for the very next day, Donatello approached me about the situation while I was mulling over my coffee and sitting alone. Raph had left the den already, Mikey was still asleep and Sensei was watching his soap operas.

"Hey there, Leo. Are you…umm…are you doing okay, bro?", he asked in a slightly cautious voice.

I looked up at him, somewhat confused by what he said. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

He sat down beside me. "Because…Mikey was talking to me earlier today and he said you didn't want to be with him."

"It's true. I have nothing against Mikey, but I just didn't feel like I was actually in love with him. Is he really upset over this?"

"Well he's not suicidal or anything, but he was pretty upset when he told me. I mean, I'm not going to lecture you or anything because I think the decision you made was for the best, but I think he just needed a crying shoulder."

I sighed. "Last night, he seemed to take it so well when I told him. He didn't even bat an eye when I said I didn't want us to continue what we were doing. I don't get it."

Donny replied, "He did that because he didn't want you to see him cry."

That is not what I needed to hear – telling Mikey this was hard enough for me. It really broke my heart to know Mikey was crying over me. I felt so awful, but I knew I couldn't just take him back because I would be doing so just for the purpose of making him feel better, not because I loved him.

"Am I a bad person, Donny?", I asked, sounding like a child.

"No, not at all. Please don't be too upset over Mikey – I know he's hurting right now, but dealing with rejection is something we all need to learn eventually."

Hah, indeed we do, dear brother. I was still dealing with you rejecting me.

* * *

Despite what Donny said to me, I still felt horrible for making Mikey feel so bad. If he felt half the pain I felt when Donny turned me down, I just feel like a monster causing him that kind of suffering. Yes, what I did was in both our best interests, but it still doesn't make me feel any better about hurting my little brother. Just knowing that he cried because of me hurts me deeply.

Once again, I could not sleep that night. I kept thinking of poor Mikey and how I had upset him. What I did was definitely for the best, but just the thought of my sweet-hearted little brother weeping because of me was heart-wrenching. Of all of us, he is the last one to deserve such suffering, and I felt like a demon having caused him that pain. My head was throbbing and I just overall felt terrible, so as quietly as I could, I left my room and snuck into the dojo. So many awful things going on in my head – I wanted to try and clear my mind, in hopes of relaxing myself somewhat. The dojo was empty, thankfully; I closed the door behind me and sat down in the middle of the floor and assumed my usual position. My hands were trembling, but I did what I could to regulate my breathing and calm down. Despite everything that had tormented me these last couple of months, I was still able to properly clear my mind. It felt so nice to escape the problems of reality, even if only for a few minutes. So nice, in fact, that I didn't even notice that I was not alone.

* * *

_**  
Author's Note:**_ Aww, poor Mikey got shot down.


	7. Chapter 7: The Taste of Courage

**Gorgeous Shade of Blue**  
_Chapter 7: The Taste of Courage_

* * *

"Hi, Leo"

I flinched and snapped my head around. Raphael must have heard me wake up.

"Hi Raph", I said, emotionless.

"Couldn't sleep, huh?", he asked. "Can I join ya?"

I was somewhat surprised at Raphael's request – he had never, **EVER** asked to meditate with me. Why now, all of a sudden? He sat down beside me, closer than I would have liked. He wasn't acting like himself – his voice was...different, and different in such a way that I couldn't quite place the difference; all I knew is it was much different than normal. He also kept looking at me in a rather peculiar way - yet another difference I couldn't quite figure out. I didn't know what at the time, but something was most definitely not right, and I got a very bad feeling about what he was going to say.

"So…what's up? Is everything okay, Raph?"

"Why you ask?", he replied.

"It's just that…you usually don't go out of your way like this to see me. And you have never wanted to meditate with me before. So, I guess I am a little concerned."

"I don't wanna meditate, Leo. I…wanna talk...sorta", he said in a very deep tone. I was seriously getting worried at this point – Raph was not being himself.

"Okay. About what?", I asked, trying not to sound anxious.

"I was just thinkin'…I've fucked two of my brothers in the last six months. It's kinda messed up, ain't it?", he said with a chuckle.

I half-heartedly smiled back. "Yeah, sort of." And then a rather odd silence ensued. Raph iped up again, his voice taking on a whole new tone.

"I've tasted innocence, I've tasted intelligence…and now…", he said while gently running his hand up my leg, "…I want to taste courage."

* * *

His voice was deep and sensual, and he had a look in his eyes that told me he was dead serious about what he was saying. I stared at him and twitched away from his wandering hand. "Raph, what the fuck are you doing?!"

Raph crawled on his hands and knees toward me, a devilish smile on his face and eyes that burned with an evil lust. "What's it look like I'm doin'?" And with that, he tackled me to the floor, effectively pinning my legs and arms. He held me roughly by my wrists and moved in uncomfortably close to my face, and began to run his tongue over my neck. The more I struggled against his grip, the tighter he held onto me. I began to toss about, attempting to break free of his grasp.

"Get the fuck off me! **NOW**!", I shouted.

That's when Raph punched me across the face. Now, he's hit me before, when we were sparring and when he was angry…but, this was the first time it really truly hurt in more ways than one.

"Don't fuckin' talk to me that way!", he said in a tone that sounded so menacing that it chilled me to the bone. I was fuming, yet scared, all at once. I took a good, long look into my brother's eyes; he had that look that told me he was going to get what he wanted, and not let anyone get in his way. I kept on struggling, and he held me tighter. When I finally managed to free my arm and prepared to knock him into next week, he did something that I just could not believe. Right as I was going to take a swing, he reached into his belt and whipped out one of his sai-blades. He held the sai to my throat, pressing the tip ever so slightly against my flesh. The chill of the cold metal bolted through my skin and tortured each of my nerves. I looked up at my brother, trying not to let him see my fear; that fucker was playing dirty.

"You **WILL** do this, Leo", he commanded.

"…and what if I don't? What are you gonna do, run to Father?"

"No, Leo…you're the family tattle-tale and you perform your duty very well. But I'll tell ya. If you don't do what I say...I will fuck Donny up like you've never seen."

My heart felt like it froze mid-beat. That rotten son of a bitch was blackmailing me and intended to drag Donny into his sick fantasies.

"You…bastard…", I growled at him. I wanted nothing more than to reach up and snap his neck at that moment, but I knew he'd let me have it with the sai if I tried anything.

"I know you still love Donny – you don't want him to get hurt because you were bein' stubborn, do you?", he said in a very smug, sadistic voice. "So, what are you gonna do, fearless leader? Are you gonna play by my rules, or are you going to let your crush get the fuck beat out of him?"

Part of me was hoping this was all just an awful dream and I'd eventually wake up from it. Unfortunately, it was as real as real could be. I had no idea if Raph was serious about hurting Donny, but I didn't want to risk refusing and having him possibly hurt Don. I sighed heavily and stopped struggling. Raph was straddling my hips, awaiting my response while still holding his sai in his hand, waiting to strike if he needed to.

"If I do what you say, do you promise you won't hurt Donny?"

"Ninja's honor. I won't lay a hand on him, so long as you do what I want."

For the first time in my life, I felt powerless. Even if I didn't love Donny so much, I'd still do this for his sake because I care about him in more ways than simply romance - he's my brother, the 'power behind the throne', so to speak, he's the genius who can fix anything, but most of all...he's my brother. I felt completely defeated and helpless, but there was nothing I could do. For the first time in our lives, Raph had won. He finally won.

* * *

"Do what you want to me", I said and turned my head away.

"Smart move, bro", and with that he began to ravage me. He clawed at my skin and bit me with stunning force, and he kissed me with a ferocity I'd never known. I was slapped and slammed against the floor like a toy…and then, he did what I feared he'd do. He exposed my posterior to himself and, without warning, brutally thrust his raw member into me. Raph was definitely extremely well-endowed and his size would be appreciated by anyone who wanted him, but he showed me pain I had never felt before. One of the most sensitive parts of my body was being ripped apart and I felt like I had searing flames coursing through me. Raph was in no way gentle with me – he, in fact, went out of his way to cause me extra pain. But, if there was anything I refused to do while he was assaulting me, it was giving him the pleasure of hearing me scream. Tears ran profusely down my face like little waterfalls, and I could feel blood trickling down the back of my legs as Raph continued to tear me apart. Gritted my teeth, clenched my fists, lurched around as Raph held me in place…I did whatever I possibly could to ensure I didn't scream.

Raph gave me one final hard thrust and he climaxed. Once done, he shoved me to the floor like a used condom and stood up.

"You felt good, bro. Doesn't feel good not bein' in control of your life, does it Leo?"

With no further word, Raph turned on his heels and left the dojo for his room. I didn't have the strength to even move – I was in so much pain and was just so throttled by what had just happened that I could not muster the power to get up. What I felt was just something I could not even put accurately or fully into words – I was in extreme agony, I felt defeated, I felt violated…and most of all, I could not get over the intense sensation of helplessness I felt. All it took was one threat of harm against someone I love to make me totally succumb to a malevolent force. The only way to sum up the entire ordeal was to say I felt completely crushed – in body and in spirit. Raph had broken me.

* * *

_**  
Author's Note:**_ I know Raph was out-of-character. No need to bring it to my attention. And no, I don't hate Raph, but I do think he has a sadistic side. More to come (no pun intended)...eventually. Thank you all so much for reading, and an extra-large thanks to those who have read the two previous parts of the trilogy. I am honored that so many people have read and enjoyed this story and my past stories.


	8. Chapter 8: 'Tell Me Why'

**Gorgeous Shade of Blue**  
_Chapter 8: 'Tell Me Why'_

* * *

In the days that followed, I did my very best to hide what happened from the rest of the family. It was turmoil they did not need to deal with – this was an issue between Raphael and me, not them. But even my greatest of efforts could not screen my pain from my loved ones, and they all noticed that something was awry. I was sullen, withdrawn, and on edge. Someone saying my name or tapping me on the shoulder scared the living hell out of me. When Mikey tried to hug me, I had to push him away because I just could no longer stand having someone else be in such close physical contact with me. And at night, it was just so much worse. Awful nightmares summoning up the events of that terrible evening replayed over and over again in my head, forcing me awake, sometimes with a scream that woke my brothers and Sensei. It was incredible in the most vicious way – Raphael had destroyed me in a matter of about ten minutes, and it was all because of his insatiable sex drive.

What bothered me the most from that night was not that my brother touched me, or even that Raph sexually assaulted me or that he took my virginity…but the fact that I, for the first time in my life, felt I really had no choice. I was completely without control over my life or my body, and having been the leader of our team for my entire life, that feeling was cataclysmic. So many things were taken from me that night and I really don't think I will ever get over it.

As I wallowed in sadness, something crossed my mind…if Raph did that to me, was he also hurting Donny?

My heart began to pulse madly, thinking that Raph might have been causing Donny harm this entire time. Donny didn't seem to be acting any differently or upset, but that didn't necessarily mean Raph wasn't hurting him. One night, I got up and prepared to go and find Raph. This time was much different than any other time I had ever confronted Raph – this was the first time I was genuinely scared to be near him. But I had to try and be strong, lest he realize my vulnerability and take advantage of it. I slowly emerged from my room and headed toward the kitchen – someone was getting a drink from the sink. I approached with the utmost caution since I couldn't quite tell who it was. Something told me it was the brother whom I sought, though.

A light clank of glass echoed through the room and I heard a deep voice from the shadowy figure. "What is it, Leo?"

I was right. I approached him, feeling my heart rising into my throat. I shouldn't have been this nervous around him, but this is the same person who violated and hurt me.

"I need to ask you something" – my voice was low and meek. Completely unlike me and totally showing how scared I really was.

He turned around. "I'm listening", he said in his usual impatient tone.

I did my best to stick out my chest and be brave in the face of the one who assaulted me. "That night in the dojo…Raph, please tell me why you did what you did."

I heard him chuckle, and while I wanted to knock his teeth down his throat, I was getting more uneasy by the minute. "You liked it, didn't you?", he said smugly.

"Oh yeah, Raph. Nothing makes me hotter than my brother raping me in our own home. Yep, that's a turn-on", I said sarcastically, and then turned on the kitchen light. I turned and looked at him; his expression looked so arrogant and it both angered and frightened me. I went up to him and looked him right in the eyes. "No Raphael, I didn't like it. You violated me and hurt me in so many ways. Just tell me why you did that. I know we have had differences in the past, but what you did to me was just a completely new level of violence." I rarely call him by his full name anymore, so he knew I was pretty serious.

He looked at me with his usual 'I-don't-care' expression, and I grabbed him firmly by the arms and practically pleaded to him. "Tell me why you did it."

* * *

He broke out of my hold and turned his back to me. I stood and awaited a response, and after what seemed like an eternity of silence, he replied. "Fine, Leo. I did it…because I was so fucking sick of you being able to make decisions for us all." He faced me and went on. "You always tell us what to do, you always makes the choices, you give us orders constantly".

"That's because I'm the leader, Raph. What do you expect me to do?!", I shouted, no longer caring if my brothers heard me.

"Just 'cause you're the leader doesn't mean I'm happy about it. And then I figured out a way to take that control away from you."

I stood there, mouth hanging open. "So, you didn't just do this for sex".

"Fuck no! It wasn't even about sex. It was about teaching you that just because you're the leader doesn't always guarantee that you're gonna have all the control".

Tears threatened to flow, but I did my best to control myself. I folded my arms across my chest and stared at him, "So you did that just to teach me a lesson. Is that it?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"You know, even though I hated you, Raph…I really thought you were still a sort of respectable person. I didn't think you'd have to sink that low just to get back at me for doing what I am supposed to do. If you don't like my authority, why don't you just fuckin' leave?"

"…because this is my home as much as yours, and I am not abandoning Splinter or Mikey or Donny because of you. In order to see them, I fuckin' put up with you".

I wanted to strangle him so badly…I really, really did. But I kept my composure. "Fine. But tell me this…are you hurting Donny?"

"What? No!", he said, acting like he was offended.

"Your tone tells me otherwise, Raph." At that point, I got right up in his face. "If I find out you are doing anything to upset him, I swear I will kill you. And that is not an idle fucking threat – I will seriously fucking kill you. I don't care if it violates what we've been taught. I will not stand for you hurting the person I love. Understand?"

He shoved me away and I fell to the floor. "I would love to see you try, fearless leader. I've broken you – I know it and you know it. Don't even throw around such threats because I know you don't have it in ya anymore to follow through on them."

And then he got up into my face as I was on the floor. "And you listen to me, Leo…don't you dare suggest I am hurting Donny. But also don't think my threats were idle – I **_will _**hurt him if this goes beyond you and I. Understand?"

Once again, I felt helpless. I didn't know if Raph was serious or not about hurting Donny, but I did not want to provoke him to try and find out. Donny had done nothing and I was not about to let him get dragged into this fine mess. Raph stomped out of the lair and u to the surface…typical. I got up, my hands shaking. And like a little girl who just saw her favorite toy get broken, I leaned over the sink and began to cry. I tried to stay quiet so I didn't wake my brothers. But, alas, my efforts were in vain anyway...and I heard a gentle voice saying my name.

* * *

"…Leo?"

I didn't even turn around…I couldn't bear to look at anyone at that moment. But I heard soft footsteps and a set of gentle hands on my arms. Donny came around to my side and gently brushed away the tears from my face. I took one look at him and the first thing he did was hold me, and I sobbed like a child in his arms.

"I heard it all, Leo", he said in a clearly broken voice. He was upset over all of this, and knowing he was upset just made me feel even worse.

Finally he looked me in the eyes and asked, "Leo, why did you let him do that? I am capable of protecting myself from him if I needed to".

I sniffled and wiped my eyes. "Because I love you, Donny. You mean more to me than I could ever put into words. And I would give my life just to know you wouldn't be sad or hurt, and I couldn't risk having him hurt you, even if he was bluffing. I would never forgive myself if he hurt you because I didn't do what he wanted."

Now Donny was crying. All he could muster was, "Oh, Leo…" before embracing me again. We held one another for quite a while, crying and just being there for each other. Normally I'd have felt like I was in seventh heaven at that moment, being held by the one I love, but I was just too damn miserable because of Raph's threats and Donny's sobbing to be happy. It broke my heart to see him upset, and I know he was inconsolable knowing I took the ultimate abuse to keep him safe.

"Please don't cry, Donny. It hurts so much to see you upset".

"I'm…I'm sorry, Leo. But it also hurts me to see you so upset."

I looked him in the eyes and said with my most serious and non-broken voice, "But please promise me you won't tell this to anyone. I'm just…really scared of what he might do if anyone else knows. And please don't mention it to him. I just…I…"

"Enough, Leo. I won't say anything to him, but only because you asked me not to."

"**_I_** intend to say something". We both turned to see Splinter standing in the doorway.

* * *

"**Sensei!**", I cried. "Wh…how long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to know what has happened".

We both stood up, and Splinter looked at me with a rather piercing expression. "Master…I…what happened…he…", I stuttered while Sensei awaited a coherent response in his indifferent ninja stance. I finally couldn't take it anymore and I collapsed to my knees and cried out, "I'm so sorry, Sensei" and dug my hands into the floor as tears rolled down my face. There I was, a broken mess, before my master, teacher and father. Never had I felt so embarrassed, nor had I ever felt such an overwhelming desire to die.

"Leonardo, when I told you to sort this out with your brothers, I did not mean keeping these kinds of secrets from me", Splinter said, sounding a bit annoyed.

"I'm sorry, Sensei. I...I just..." I sighed through my tears. "…I am no longer worthy of being the leader, master. I'm sorry I'm not the son you wanted me to be."

There was a silence, followed by Splinter speaking again. "Leonardo, I am only upset that you kept this a secret from me because it was something that hurt you. I never ever want to see any of my sons being hurt."

I looked up at him curiously. He wasn't scolding me or telling me how incompetent I was? Was I dreaming? He continued on…

"You chose to protect your brother rather than yourself, which is a quality of a good leader. But Leonardo, what has happened has hurt you very deeply and didn't need to happen."

"You…aren't mad at me, Sensei?", I whimpered.

"Not at all, my son. In fact, I am mad at myself, for not being able to stop that awful thing before it happened. What Raphael has done is inexcusable and this goes far beyond a simple disagreement. I will be speaking with him tomorrow".

"But Master, he m-"

Splinter interrupted me. "No 'buts', Leonardo. He needs to know that he cannot threaten or bring harm upon his brothers to satisfy his desires. Now go to sleep, my son."

* * *

Donny wrapped his arm around me. "I'll walk you to your room, Leo."

My brother and I walked side by side to my bedroom, and then Sensei called out to me one more time. "Leonardo…"

I turned and faced him. "Yes, Sensei?"

"…do not ever think you are not worthy of being a leader, my son."

He turned to the sink and I smiled a little bit…I expected to get torn into for what happened, as usual. Sensei was shockingly compassionate about the whole situation. Donny walked me to my room and sat down beside me on my bed. We sat and talked for a bit.

* * *

"I'm surprised Sensei was so sympathetic about all of this", I sighed.

"What do you mean?", Donny asked.

"Usually anything bad that happens is my fault. I expected to hear about how stupid and irresponsible I was for letting this happen".

Donny held my hands. "Leo, you were raped. You sacrificed your body to protect one of your brothers…Sensei understands you were in a position where you really had no choice. He would never give you hell for trying to protect one of us."

"I just hope things don't get too ugly when he talks to Raph. I'm scared of what might happen".

"Leo, Sensei _taught _us. He may be an old rat, but he could run circles around any of us…including Raph."

From out in the kitchen, we heard Sensei's voice. "He's right, Leonardo."

We had a good chuckle about that, and Donny eventually got up to go to sleep. He gave me a hug and wished me goodnight, and before he left the room, I called after him. "Donny?"

"…yeah?"

"Please…be careful around Raph."

He looked at me and came back and sat down next to me. "Yeah, about that. Leo, I…I just don't think I can be with someone who intentionally hurts my family, even if he is family himself."

My heart began to flutter – something I hadn't felt in a while. "So, what are you saying?"

He sighed and began picking at the loose threads in my blanket. "I'm saying…I don't feel safe being Raphael's significant other. Not after what he did to you and after he threatened to do the same to me".

I sat there with bug-eyes, taking in that Donny was saying he was leaving Raphael. I feel terrible knowing my first thought was, "oh yeah, he's mine now!". Donny had a hard time looking at me after telling me this, but he got up again and headed for his room. He turned around and smiled at me. "G'night, Leo".

Off went my lights, and for the first time since I was assaulted, I felt happy…sort of. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I couldn't help but feel lovesick knowing Donny was going to be single again. On another note, I was wondering how the hell Mikey managed to not hear us…or did he, and just not come out to see what the commotion was about?

* * *

**_Author's Note:_** Man this chapter was bloody long. I think too much stuff happened. But yeah, recap: Raphael admits why he assaulted Leo, Donny and Splinter hear it all and Donny is _drum roll_ LEAVING Raphael. And yeah, sorry Mikey wasn't in this one - he'll be in the next chapter. And what's Splinter got to say to Raphael? Oooo the drama, only it's not a crappy soap-opera (not yet anyway). Thank you all for your kind reviews! I'm so glad people are reading and enjoying this!


	9. Chapter 9: Splinter

**Gorgeous Shade of Blue  
**_Chapter 9: Splinter_

* * *

That night, I had so many things going on in my head that I couldn't fall asleep. I was happy that the awful secret between Raphael and I had been exposed, I was nervous about what would happen when Sensei talked with him, and I had butterflies in my belly thinking about how Donatello was going to leave Raph. I didn't know if I felt more good or bad, and I never slept a wink the entire night. I heard Raph come in very early in the morning – I stayed in my room so I didn't have to see him. Apparently, though, Splinter had been waiting for him to come home because the second I heard the lair door creak open, I heard Sensei's voice. I pretended to sleep in case anyone came in, but I could hear everything that they proceeded to say.

"Raphael", Sensei said in his usual deep voice.

"Good morning, Master", Raph said in a pretty calm tone.

"Raphael, I must speak with you. Please follow me into the dojo".

There was silence after that, and it took all my strength to not be nosy and press my ear up against the doors of the dojo to find out what was being said. Whatever had to be said, Master Splinter apparently did not want us to hear it. I could hear some low voices through the walls, but I couldn't actually tell what was being said. I wanted to hear Sensei rip Raphael a new one, but I also wanted to respect that Sensei clearly wanted only Raphael to hear what he had to say. I crawled back into bed and tried to sleep, and then I heard a loud cry of pain and I bolted upright so fast my vision blurred; I was terrified that Raphael was hurting Sensei and the mere thought of it made me see red. At this point, I didn't want to butt out, especially if my father was being caused harm. Quietly as I could possibly be, I slinked out of my room and up to the doors of the dojo, which I could tell had been locked. Another cry emerged from behind the cream-colored doors, and as I listened more, I could hear that someone was quite clearly getting the living shit beat out of them. My heart pounded, thinking Raphael had snapped on our father, but the more I listened, the more I realized that those cries of pain were not coming from Splinter.

Was Splinter…_hurting_ Raphael? He had never laid a finger on any of us, even when we did the most horrible things. And yet, I could hear on the other side of that door someone being beaten pretty mercilessly. Over and over again, I heard the sound of what sounded like a blunt object striking a body. At one point, I think I heard a whimper – a pitiful childlike whimper, or something like what you'd hear from a puppy after it had been kicked. The sound of labored breathing and grunts of pain followed that whimper, and mixed into those echoes of agony was the voice of my Master.

"It is not your place in this family to punish anyone, Raphael. I am extremely displeased with what you have done. Now get out of my sight", Splinter said in the most menacing and daunting voice I had ever heard. It sent a chill up my spine to hear him talk like that, but I decided to get the hell back in my room before he found out I was eavesdropping and gave me an earful too.

* * *

It was still very early and we weren't expected to be up for another couple of hours, so I decided to try and get in a few winks before heading off to training for the day. Alas, try as I might, I could not sleep. It was simply impenetrable to me that Splinter would actually beat Raphael for any reason, even if it was because he had violated me so profoundly. This was something that totally shocked the ever-loving fuck out of me because Master Splinter has never resorted to violence for any reason beyond self-defense and this is also what he taught us. So, I have to guess that either he chose to use corporal punishment since it might be the only thing that would actually affect Raph, or Splinter was just that mad at him for what he did that he went above and beyond to teach Raph that what he had done was seriously wrong.

After about an hour and a half of rolling around under my sheets trying to pass out, I finally gave up and went out into the kitchen to wait for everyone to wake up. When I got up, Sensei was watching his soaps yet again…I swear, he's worse than a woman. My brothers were all sitting quietly around the kitchen table, and I came in and tried to be normal.

"Morning, guys", I said as normally as possible.

I was greeted with "Hi, Leo" and "Mornin', Leo". But one brother refused to say anything to me. I don't think I need to go into detail as to which one. Raphael glared up at me with the most evil look I'd ever seen. Without saying anything, he left the table and went to his room and closed the door behind him. I sat down with Donny and Mikey and talked with them.

"What's up with Raph today?"

Mikey shrugged. "I think he got in a fight last night and he's mad about it, or somethin'".

I nodded…Mikey was too dumb to play dumb, so I figured he had no idea what had actually happened that morning to Raphael. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, and Raph was shooting me evil looks throughout training. That night, though, we were to go up to the surface to take care of some things, and we were to once again split up into teams to cover more ground. I was beginning to slowly fall back into my leadership position and being able to more effectively manage the team.

* * *

Once above ground, I turned to my brothers. "Okay guys, we haven't been out patrolling in a while, so I want us to break up into teams of two just to be safe. Who wants to go with who?" I figured Mikey would want to go with me, but I didn't want to dictate that much of our routine. Donny and Mikey looked at one another and then at me, and Raph piped up for the first time all day.

"I'm goin' with Leo".

His voice sounded very dark – I knew he was plenty pissed. Donny could effortlessly tell Raph was angry and he put his hand on Raph's shoulder. "Umm…you don't want to go with me, bro?"

Raphael yanked his arm out from under Donny's hand and looked at him evilly. "I said I'm goin' with Leo".

The way he said it sounded almost threatening, and it made Donny nervous. I was anxious as hell too – I can't remember the last time I saw Raph look that mad and part of me was worried about what he was going to do. But I agreed and made sure I was totally on guard the entire time. We broke into our teams and went on our own ways. Raph and I had walked a few blocks before I tried to at least talk to him.

"Raph, are you okay? You've been acting weird all day".

He snorted. "Pff…like you really need to fuckin' ask".

"What the hell are you talkin' about?", I asked with my hands on my hips.

Raphael stared up at me with demonic eyes and shoved me hard into a nearby alley. I was prepared to charge him, but he pinned me against the wall before I even had a chance to think. And I did my absolute damnedest to fight out of his grip, but he wasn't letting me go anywhere. He pinned my arms to the wall and looked at me with a blazing stare that slashed into my soul like a white-hot sword.

* * *

"You told Splinter"

I tried to wrench out of his grasp, but it was still proving to be futile in his steel grip. "No I didn't".

He wrapped his fingers around my throat and began to choke me. "Bullshit".

"I swear I didn't", I squeaked in a weak voice. Raph slammed my head against the wall and squeezed harder. I was gasping for dear life and clawing at the air, trying to get out of his grip. When I was starting to black out, he let me go and threw me hard against the ground. As I lay on the cold concrete coughing and gasping, he picked me up again and slammed me against that very same wall.

"I **know** you told him. He said this mornin' he wanted to talk to me. And you know what he did, Leo? Huh?"

I twisted around, trying to get away, but he was having none of it. He then grabbed my hands and pinned them to my sides, got within inches of my face and looked right at me. "He beat the fuckin' shit out of me, Leo. This black eye, these scars and cuts…all from him. An' he did it because of what I did to you."

"Did you really think raping me wouldn't have its consequences, Raph?"

He stared at me and didn't answer. At this point, I was going from scared to pissed very rapidly and I jerked my hands out of his. He backed away and this time it was me who impinged upon him. "This is the truth, Raphael. Donatello and Sensei both overheard us in the kitchen arguing last night. I didn't say a goddamn thing to anyone. And you fuckin' deserved what you got, Raph."

That apparently did not sit well with him and he punched me hard across the face. "Fuck you, Leo. You forced me into humiliation and Donny is afraid of me now because of this."

I wiped the blood from my mouth and kept on talking. I wasn't afraid of him anymore. "Oh, and you didn't force ME into humiliation, Raph? You took things from me I will never get back, all because you're pissed that I'm the leader and you aren't. **YOU** were wrong, Raph. You resorted to dirty tactics to defeat your own brother, just because of some stupid grudge. I hope it was worth losing my respect and Donny's love just to win, you asshole".

For the first time, Raph was speechless. Usually he has some half-witted angry retort waiting to spew at me, but this time…nothing; just a blank stare. He stood there, his expressions alternating between livid and stunned and maintaining some sort of emotionless medium. I gave him one more angry look before leaving the alley; I think he was expecting me to be scared and cower under his grip like the last time he challenged me, and me fighting back for the first time in a while surprised him. My confidence was coming back with a vengeance - I didn't quite know why, but it just was. Perhaps just because Sensei put Raphael in his place. I didn't see Raphael for the rest of the night after I left him in a daze in that alley, and to be honest, I didn't care.

* * *

That evening, I felt better than I had in a long damn time and I felt like I'd actually be able to sleep. That is, until, I heard a familiar knock on my door. And, sure enough, it was my dear little brother.

"Hey Mikey".

"Hi, bro", he seemed a little sad about something.

"You look down, bro. Need to talk?", I asked.

He came and sat down gently beside me on my bed. He looked up at me with those pretty blue eyes and said, "Donny told me what happened". I wasn't sure what to think about that, but he had more to say. "And I know Raph didn't get hurt in a fight". He crawled up next to me and looked me right in the eyes, looking himself like he was going to cry. "How come you didn't tell me, Leo?"

That face was so heartbreaking. I stroked his face and said in my most gentle voice, "Mikey…I didn't say anything because it was just…too complicated. I didn't want you to get thrown into the middle of things".

"Dammit Leo, I hate when you treat me like I'm a little kid! I know I'm not as smart as Donny, but that doesn't mean I don't want to know if one of my brothers has been hurt!"

"I'm….I'm sorry, brother. It's just…it was my problem, Mikey. I didn't want you to possibly get hurt".

"It wasn't just your problem, Leo. It was everyone's. I felt awful knowing one of my brothers was being hurt, one was doing the hurting and one was being threatened with harm. You have no idea how fuckin' worried and upset and scared I was."

I held Mikey close, and he seemed distant, and he refused to look at me. He continued talking. "I hear Donny is leaving Raph. I guess that means you won't need me anymore."

"Mikey, please don't do this. There are so many things happening in my head right now that it's making me nuts".

He began to get up – shit, he was really upset over everything. This is why I kind of wanted to keep him ignorant about what had happened – I didn't want him to get depressed like this. But, as always, things seemed to not work out in my favor. He began to leave the room and, taking one glance back at me, he said, "All that matters…is that…you're happy". His voice began to crack and I knew he wanted to run like hell from me before he began to cry. I knew he was hurting inside knowing I not only was hurt, but that I didn't tell him about it. Before I knew it, I'd bolted up from my bed and caught him before he left the room. I held him in front of me and lifted his chin so I could look him in the eyes. He fought my grip like a stubborn child, and refused to open his eyes.

"Mikey, c'mon…open your eyes", I felt like I was talking to a five-year-old.

Finally he opened them, and they were as big as saucers. I hated seeing him upset. Still looking at him, I said, "Mikey, I may have no idea what the hell I'm going to do…but don't you ever, **EVER** think I don't need you. Do you understand?" He tried to fight me, but I wasn't allowing him to leave that easily. I gently – but firmly – pressed him against the nearest wall and cocked his chin up so I could see his face. With a flick of my thumb, I swept his tears away and said as nicely as I could, "Do you understand?"

He nodded. "Yes."

I held him close. "You will always be a part of me and of my life, Mikey. Don't ever think otherwise, my brother".

Thankfully, he began to calm down. I abhorred the thought or the sight of my sweet younger brother being so upset. And, just like before, that evening, I let Mikey sleep beside me. He really needed a crying shoulder that night, and I just couldn't turn him away when he was feeling so emotionally vulnerable. But in my head, there were so many battles being fought all at once, and for the first time, I really had no goddamn clue what I wanted to do next.

* * *

**_Author's Note:_** Short, and...not so sweet. I seriously am deeply contemplating where the hell to take this story next. Will Leo pursue Donny? How will Raphael react to Leo not being a weakling anymore, and to Donny now being afraid of him? What's Leo gonna do about Mikey? This is a massive love quadrangle going on here! And thank you all again for your wonderful comments - I'm so happy so many people like this story.


	10. Chapter 10: Leo's Decision

**Gorgeous Shade of Blue**  
_Chapter 10: Leo's Decision_

* * *

Things were tense in the lair after the altercation between Sensei and Raphael…to say the least. Michelangelo suddenly became really clingy and wanted to commandeer my time as much as possible, and making sure to get my attention if I looked Donatello's way. I knew what he was doing – he was doing some very childish attention-seeking because he didn't want me to pursue Donny. Needless to say, his behavior annoyed me more than it persuaded me, and I decided to let him know he was actually beginning to drive me away. He snuck into my room as usual and nestled himself up against me like I was some sort of mother hen.

"Mikey, look…I know you don't want me to try and be with Donny."

He gave me the most pathetic excuse for a bewildered look and said timidly, "I don't know what you're talkin' about, bro."

I rolled over onto my side so I could look into those mischievous baby blue eyes and elaborate. "Nice try, Mikey. Do you think I don't notice you clinging to me like a barnacle, little brother? And especially when Donny is nearby? I'm not that stupid."

Mikey opened his mouth and began to mutter some incoherent gobbledygook as he tried to devise an answer. I gently put my hand over his mouth and sighed, "Don't try, Mikey. You never were good at lying." I shot him a smile to let him know I was serious, but not trying to hurt his feelings.

"You know me too well, bro. But seriously, I can't help it. I know I love you and…well…I guess I am just a little reluctant to give you up."

"But Mikey-"

"I know we were never a couple to begin with, but I enjoyed our time together a lot. And I know if you had to pick between me and Donny, you'd pick him, just because you've loved him for so long."

I was about to say something when Mikey slapped his hand clumsily over my mouth and said in a goofy voice, "Don't try, Leo. You were never good at lying."

And I laughed. Despite my heartache and confusion, I laughed. This is one of the things I love about my little brother that Donny does not do…I love Donny, but he doesn't always make me laugh. Mikey does, and his sense of humor is so bewitching, and something I could absolutely not live without. He has other admirable traits too – it's not as if I loved him solely for his ability to bring a smile to my face. And this is why I felt so awful – I didn't know who to choose. If there was just some way to combine Donny and Mikey into one being, I would be forever content with that person – someone who understands me, is intelligent, loves me, and makes me laugh.

Mikey curled up beside me like a cat and rubbed my stomach. Without looking up at me, he said, "So who are you gonna be with, bro?"

His voice was neither anxious nor pushy – I don't know if he was trying to hide his grief from me again or not, but he seemed basically curious about my choice in mates. I took a dreadfully long time to answer him, because I didn't want to just tell him something to make him shut up – I wanted him to know the truth, or at least something resembling it. So, there on my bed in the middle of the night, I scoured the deepest trenches of my mind, my soul and my heart, in order to try and find my response. Who did I love? Or, rather, who did I love enough to want to be with? I've loved Donny for years, and that is a love which I know to be true. Mikey, on the other hand, I have grown to love to a certain extent in the last few months, and for potentially ludicrous reasons. The answer seemed obvious, and yet, I was terrified of telling Mikey that I did not want him when he so clearly wanted me. Clearly there was some love there if I was this concerned over hurting my brother's feelings, but who was it I loved more?

But being with someone just to make them happy is never a good reason to pursue a relationship, because then it would be little more than a lie. And I just don't want to hurt my sweet baby brother like that. Despite my raging uncertainty, I sighed and rested my head back.

"I think…I want to be with Donny."

* * *

It was at this point I expected Mikey to tear up and blubber all over me and throw any number of other childish tantrums like he often does when he doesn't get his way. But not tonight. Mikey simply said "okay", and then gave me a hug…not a romantic or cuddly hug, but just a hug. He then looked me in the eyes and said, "I love you very much Leonardo, and I wanna be with you, but I also love you enough that I want you to be happy."

For a second, I thought for sure this was a robot decoy of my little brother and the real Michelangelo was tied up and thrown in a closet somewhere while all this was happening. There's no way Mikey could have matured that much in such a short span of time. He continued on with his spiel.

"You're right about my behavior, bro. I have been being childish, and I'm sorry. I guess I'm not takin' this as well as I thought I would."

"It's okay, Mikey. I understand why you did it."

"So do you know if Donny likes you too, bro?"

Hmm…I didn't think much about that. Would Donny even be in any frame of mind to date again after freshly breaking up with Raphael? And if he and I did date, would it be more out of pity over what Raphael did to me, or out of love? I don't ever recall Donny telling me he loved me beyond a brother, so for all I knew, he felt nothing toward me like I felt toward him.

"Y'know, Mikey…I really have no idea. I don't know if he loves me that way, or if he'd even want to be with anyone after leaving Raph so recently."

"You don't gotta think about it right this second, bro. Give it time. Maybe Donny will come on to you."

"Maybe", and I laughed. "Gee Mikey, usually I'm the one giving you advice."

"I know. This feels weird."

* * *

We both had a laugh, and Mikey decided he was going to sleep in his own room tonight. He gave me one more hug and wished me pleasant dreams before heading off. That whole experience with Mikey struck me as weird…he was acting much more mature than usual, which is very unlike him, even in the direst situations. So what was different? I couldn't put my finger on it – I fully expected Mikey to have a meltdown when I told him I was more interested in Donny, and yet, not a single tear was shed. Not even a crack in his voice the entire time he spoke. It was peculiar indeed.

The night drifted on and I couldn't goddamn sleep…not with these confusing notions dashing through my head. As I rolled around in my bed, trying to get to sleep, I began to hear some familiar noises through my wall…labored breathing and moaning, and the light creaking of someone's bed. I was curious now, and my heart beat a little faster as I imagined Donny and Raph having reconciled. But, to my great surprise, I heard my dear little brother calling out Raphael's name and whimpering. So that's why he wasn't upset over my decision…Raph wasted no time luring Mikey into his bed. I didn't really know what to think about that…I didn't want to be with Mikey as much as I wanted to be with Donny, and yet, I felt an incredible sense of envy knowing what was going on in Mikey's bedroom. It was very strange, but it certainly did nothing to raise my opinion of Raph – so recently broken up with someone who really loved him, and he's already having sex with someone else. Sounds about like Raph…but my concern was Donny. Not with pursuing him, but with how – or if – he was coping with this. There's no way Donny could be in the lair and not hear those two, and even though he chose to leave Raphael, I wonder if he was feeling the same jealousy toward Raph that I was feeling about Michelangelo. I figured it would be best to talk to him the next day about this.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_ I know, it took me forever to post a new chapter. I've been really busy with about eleventy billion different things lately. I apologize if this chapter was kind of...bland. The climax of the story really has already happened, so I will be the first to admit this may be a little boring from here on out. Once again, I wouldlove to give my eternal thanks to everyone who has read and commented on the story - I sincerely appreciate everyone's input and I am glad so many folks have enjoyed this story. This is not the final chapter, but the next one should be, thus bringing the trilogy to a close.


	11. Chapter 11: Donatello

**Gorgeous Shade of Blue**  
_Chapter 11: Donatello_

* * *

Michelangelo was just chipper the next day…I mean, why shouldn't he be? He got laid the night before and, from the sound of it, things got pretty damn wild between his sheets. I'd venture to say just about anyone would be elated after such an experience. I figured out why Mikey didn't have a fit when I turned him down…at some point before coming to speak to me the previous evening, he and Raph had a little chat. Evidently, Raphael promised Mikey a little bedcraft in the event I chose Donny. So, in essence, Raph was Mikey's fallback lover - not exactly an admirable title, but I know that wouldn't have been concerning to my brother in red. Basically, since Raph was single and Mikey has the potential of being disavowed by yours truly, Raph decided to try and rekindle their old friends-with-benefits relationship. On that same note, what Mikey and I had was the same kind of bond, so I still can't quite place why I felt the way I did – it's not as if I'd lost a long-time significant other. I'd lost a cuddle-buddy and little more – I did not lose Mikey as a friend or a brother, so why in hell did I feel resentful when I found out Mikey was getting physical with Raphael again?

I suppose I felt jealous and dismayed because Mikey had been coming onto me and he made me hopeful. I admit to falling for him to a great extent, and he just sort of abandoned what we shared to memory and went to be with Raph – which is exactly what Raphael did to Donny. But considering who his influence (and first lover) was, it doesn't surprise me that Mikey didn't think what he was doing should have felt a little bit shameful. I didn't hold it against him, but I felt particularly incensed toward Raph for making such rotten choices seem perfectly kosher to our mildly immature younger sibling. Oh well – if Mikey keeps this behavior up, he and Raph will practically have been made for one another.

Donatello was my primary concern, though. He seemed to be more hushed than usual that next day, and just acted very distant. Donny was at work until the evening, so I saved my worries for when he returned home. I waited up for him long after my brothers and Sensei had departed for bed, and I was undeniably traversing the fine line between awareness and slumber when my dear brother finally snuck back to the lair. More than likely, he was tired and irate, so I tried my best to not immediately jump into what I wanted to talk about. As an alternative, I chose to simply be pleasant.

* * *

"Hey Don. How was work?"

"It was okay", he said in a low, apathetic tone. Without ever looking up at me, he began to toward his bedroom. He didn't seem tired, but I think he knew my waiting for him was no coincidence and he likely didn't want to see anyone. Part of me wanted to let him go, but part of me had to know if he was okay…so, I let the latter of the parts decree my actions as I hopped off the couch and caught up with him.

"Donny, hold on a second. Can I talk to you?"

He sighed and while still staring at the floor, he replied, "Leo, I'm really in no mood to talk to anyone right now."

As he made a swift motion to put his door between himself and me, I blurted out, "Are you upset over Raphael?"

For the first time since he entered the lair, he managed to look up at me and make actual eye contact, albeit some rather petulant contact. I continued. "Don, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, that's all."

He sneered at me and folded his arms across his chest. "That's all? I seriously doubt it, Leo. I know for a goddamn fact you're still fucking enamored with me…you wanted to try and get me into your bed now that you know Raph and I have separated. Don't give me that concern bullshit…I don't need anyone's fucking pity right now. Just leave me the hell alone. You're no fucking better than Raph." And following those odious words, Donny slammed his door in my face.

* * *

I couldn't believe what I'd heard. Was that really Donny saying that? I stood in the hazily lit room, agape, and wondering if Donny was just distressed in general, or harbored some other revulsion specifically aimed at me. It was that last part of his outburst that hurt the most, though. I was no better than Raphael? Did he really mean that? I hadn't the faintest idea why he was being so toxic toward me, but I decided I wasn't going to push the matter that night. My brother was far too livid to be spoken to on civil terms, so what else could I do? I headed back to my own room to try and sleep, though I expected little more than several successive hours of rolling around and peering at my ceiling, as if the answers to all my quandaries were written there.

The next two hours of that night were spent tossing around in bed, making every effort to fall asleep. Raph knocked on the wall and screamed at me to be quiet, as the sound of my bed creaking was keeping him awake. It was interesting how I couldn't roll around in my bed and disturb everyone, but he certainly could. Fucker. Like many other evenings when I was unable to sleep, one of my dear brothers seemed to inherently know something was askew…that night was no different, and at some point during what seemed like endless hours of darkness, I heard a gentle tapping on my door – probably Mikey wanting to come in and snuggle or wanting to know why Donny was screaming.

"It's open", I said, not even concerned about who was knocking.

One of my brothers entered my room, gently closed the door behind him, and said softly, "The light's coming on". I had little time to shield my face from the offending brightness, but when my vision cleared again, I saw it was, in fact, not Mikey in my room…but Donny. His presence at that moment was a shock all by itself, but it paled in comparison to what was going to come as the night advanced.

"Hey there, Donny. Can't sleep?"

He said nothing, but just shook his head. "Come sit down and talk to me, brother", I said and nudged myself over so he could sit on my bed and hoped he would actually speak to me this time. Looking reluctant, he did sit beside me. I rested my hand gently on his shoulder. My brother looked up at me with an expression I could not quite classify…he looked confused, upset, and anxious all at once.

"I need to firstly apologize for lashing out at you earlier, Leo. I didn't mean what I said at all."

"It's okay. Don—"

He continued on. "No, it's not okay. I can't be taking my sadness out on everyone else like that and –"

I stopped him, held him by the shoulders and said softly, "Donny…relax. I understand you're upset, and you're forgiven." There was a long silence between us before I spoke again. "You're upset over Raph, aren't you?"

* * *

Donny's expression and heavy sigh was more than an adequate response. "I'm not upset over losing him…I left him, after all. It's just…I'm still getting over him, and he's already gone to be with Mikey. It feels like I was just another body in his line of playthings and now I've been cast aside after he got tired of me. And this feeling I have of being used…it's something I can't shake off. It really hurts."

"That's…kinda how Raph has always been. He's never really been into long-term, monogamous relationships. I think, in your case, it's not that he grew tired of you, but he wanted sex, and when you left him and made sex completely unavailable, he went to his secondary supply. Raph has been known to heal remarkably fast from break-ups."

Donny began to sniffle a little, and I got up and gave him a small hug, hoping he did not construe my sign of comfort as a sign of flirtation. He returned the gesture and said in a steadily breaking voice, "Before I was with Raphael…I was a virgin. I'd never even kissed anyone, and I gave him something that I sort of valued and that I could never give anyone else. And now…it feels like what he and I shared was little more than a carnal relationship, and I guess I'm not taking it all that well."

"Your sadness is completely understandable, brother. I…really hoped so much that Raph wouldn't treat you like a convenient piece of ass like he has treated so many others…I know virtually anyone else would be content with the physical pleasure, but I know you were looking for much more from him."

Donny sighed. "I really thought he and I would have lasted…but…I just couldn't stay with him after what he'd done to you. The fact that, somewhere in his mind, he found it acceptable to hurt you like that terrified me. For so long, I'd admired and loved him, and then when I finally got to be with him, I realized that hidden side of him I dreamed he had - that was the antithesis of his outer personality - never existed. Perhaps it was too arrogant of me to have thought I would have been the one to make him change his bad habits…I guess I got overly presumptuous as far as my own worth."

I looked him in the eyes. "Raphael's behavior is not your fault; it was never your job to change him, Donny. The problem wasn't ever you – it was him. But he'll regret losing such an incredible person."

"Now is not the time to inflate my ego, Leo", Donny said with a half-hearted chuckle.

I rested my hand on his shoulder and gently rubbed his tensed skin. "Are you going to be okay?"

He held my hand in his own, his skin unusually soft. "Eventually, I'll be fine. But…there's something else I want to talk about with you."

"Oh? What is it?"

For the first time in quite a long while, Donny seemed to have a difficult time finding the right words…he visibly and verbally struggled trying to decide how to say what was on his mind. "Leo…I…I don't want to be alone, but I also am afraid of loving again because I fear what happened with Raphael will happen again."

"That won't be too hard. You just need to find someone who isn't a sex hound like Raph.", I shrugged.

"I already have", he said and looked up at me with a hopeful gaze. My heart was fluttering madly again for the first time in quite a while. "I want to be with someone who loves me for who I am, and not for just my body. And I want to be with someone who isn't abusive to others."

My heart was pounding…was Donny saying what I think he was saying? Part of me wanted to just tackle him and give him the deepest and most passionate kiss possible right there, but the other part of me thought it was too good to be true and just assumed he was referring to someone else. I blinked confusedly at him, hoping he'd answer the question my expression asked.

* * *

"What are you saying, Donny?"

He held my hand in his own. "You sacrificed your body in order to protect me…in the process, you also sacrificed many things you'd never get back…all so I could be safe. No one has ever cared so much about me, and as heartbreaking as it was to learn what Raphael did to you, I saw a love I could have never fathomed existed for someone like me."

Those butterflies were everywhere within me and they were driving me mad. Was he going to finally accept me? The suspense was tearing me apart, and part of me could only think his implications were so auspicious that they challenged belief.

"...Donny…", I said with a slight pant in my voice, feeling somewhat breathless at what I assumed my brother was trying to tell me.

His eyes looked absolutely stunning as the glow of my room light radiated against them, making them sparkle like polished gems. "I'm saying that I want to give us a try, Leo."

I was completely astounded. "Y-you do?"

Donny nodded. "I was reluctant to say this to you because a small part of me feared you would betray me too. But…I trust you, my brother. I want to be with you…if you will still have me, that is."

I didn't even answer verbally…I blissfully threw myself at my brother and wrapped my arms around him. Tears were streaming down my face as I was finally able to hold close the one I was completely smitten about. He wiped my tears away and, for what seemed like an eternity, I looked into his striking eyes and gently fiddled with the loose ends of his mask. He began to pull me closer, never once breaking eye contact, and we gently pressed our lips together. There was no animalistic lust or fierce passions here like I'd had with Mikey – we simply held one another and kissed very warmly, while I felt as though I had reached heaven while still retaining an earthly existence. Right then, I cared about no one but my brother – I didn't care about my envy toward Michelangelo, I didn't care about the way Raphael abused me, I didn't care what Sensei thought, and I didn't care about any innocent person on the surface who might end up the victim of senseless violence. The one I loved was finally mine, and at that moment, nothing else in the world mattered to me.

When we broke our kiss, I pulled my lips only about an inch from his before whispering, "I love you, Donatello." I knew that was a really brazen thing to say considering we were basically just starting our relationship. I hoped I did not make him uncomfortable saying that to him, although it most certainly would not have been the first time I'd asserted my love for him.

His gaze besotted, he replied in kind. "I love you too, Leonardo", with his lips so close to my own that I could feel his mouth forming those wonderful words against my skin. The sensation was alluring, yet loving, and my handsome suitor appeared just as pleased as I was about our newfound harmony.

Years of surreptitious passion finally had paid off. Donatello was mine.

* * *

**THE END**

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_ And that concludes _Gorgeous Shade of Blue_; Leonardo managed to end up in Donatello's arms after years of secretly loving him - awwwwwww, how sweet! I would like to take this time to extend my undying thanks to everyone who has read the story. It was the encouragement of the readers that helped keep me working on this story to its completion. I'm so glad to see how well-received this fanfiction was, even among some of the folks who are not fans of Ninja Turtles slash fics. Thank you all again so much. Hope you enjoyed reading the story!

**_Author's Note 2:_** This is still up in the air - and goes against my previous claims that this story would conclude the series - but there is currently a _**fourth**_ part being considered. So, this series may very well become a quadrilogy! No promises, though...if it progresses well enough for a couple of chapters, it will get posted. **:)**


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